The first to arrive is Kim Kardashian because she obviously has other places to be tonight. Have you seen the size of her family? "Lets get this over with," she whispered to Baby Nori. North couldn't respond because she's wrapped up like a burrito on a fur carpet. And because she's a baby, guys.
Suddenly, the paps are having a field day! Kim and Kanye are pulling into the drive way ON A MOTORCYCLE! Someone yells, "Woah. Is she... What is she doing!? Not safe, bro."
Then, Miley Cyrus shows up with her uninvited homies. When security gives her trouble at the door she screams, "This is our house, this is our rules, I DO WHAT I WANT TO," and makes this face:
Both Kim and Miley head inside wondering where Lindsay Lohan is. Turns out, she's upstairs naked in bed smoking a pre-turkey cig.
When she finally makes it down the stairs and over to the dinner table, these two are all like, "YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!" Shocker.
After all the food their tiny celebrity frames could endure, everyone started to wonder where Miley went. Kim got up to check the bathroom and found her permanently stuck to the mirror.
"Ugh, I'm out of here," Kim sighed and walked towards the door. "I have to get back to arching my back in the sunset anyway." And with that, everyone left and went back to what they had been doing before:
Follow Hallie Gould on Twitter (opens in new tab).
Hallie has worked in beauty editorial for ten years and has been editorial director at Byrdie since 2021. Previously, she was a senior editor at Byrdie since 2016. During her time at Byrdie, she's written hundreds of high-performing stories on skincare, wellness (including fitness, diet, mental health, body image, et al) makeup, and hair. She's a regular on set, helping to source inspiration for makeup and hair looks, as well as interviewing celebrities, models, and other notable women and men in the beauty space.
Before that, Hallie ran Marie Claire's social media and wrote beauty and culture stories for the site, and helped launch Time Inc.'s digital-only beauty brand, MIMI. After college, she contributed to Time Out New York’s Shopping & Style section before landing her first beauty editor gig at Hearst's Real Beauty. Hallie's writing has also appeared in ELLE, Cosmopolitan, and InStyle. Hallie graduated with a BA in Communication Arts from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
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