Khloé Kardashian, endorser of products (opens in new tab), has just unleashed a whole new creation onto the world: a Range Rover (that she already owned) wrapped nose to tail in black velvet.
A photo posted by on
This raises a few questions—mostly about bird poop—that we've recorded here stream-of-consciousness style.
1. So, yeah: What if a bird relieves itself on your car?
2. In the event of a bird relieving itself on your car, how will you clean it?
3. Does it need to be dry-cleaned?
4. Oooooh, wait. Can you remove it? Like, is it stick-on?
5. For non-bird-poop cleanings, will a lint roller do? What about tape, like when glitter from your eyeshadow falls down onto your cheeks? Will that work?
6. But back to the bird poop: Do you need to wait for it to harden before you scrape it off? Instead of smearing it around?
7. How will you shoo the rabble away when they inevitably gather to pet your car?
8. Does it get really hot in there with all the darkness and heat absorption?
9. Can it even go outside?
10. What about mud?
11. Most people try to keep their vehicles as inconspicuous as possible to avoid robbery and to avoid being identified should they feel compelled to do crimes. Does that mean you neither mind being robbed nor intend to rob?
12. Can I touch it?
13. Will it fade?
14. How long will you keep it?
15. What did Kris say about it?
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Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.
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