Selena Gomez Opens Up About Quitting Her Tour and Going to Rehab

"My self-esteem was shot. I was depressed, anxious."

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Selena Gomez made headlines when she unexpectedly canceled her tour in August, flew to Tennessee, and entered a rehab facility. Now, the pop star is opening up about her decision (and the depression and anxiety that lead to it) in a new interview with Vogue.

On Quitting Her Tour

"Tours are a really lonely place for me. My self-esteem was shot. I was depressed, anxious. I started to have panic attacks right before getting onstage, or right after leaving the stage. Basically I felt I wasn't good enough, wasn't capable. I felt I wasn't giving my fans anything, and they could see it—which, I think, was a complete distortion. I was so used to performing for kids. At concerts I used to make the entire crowd raise up their pinkies and make a pinky promise never to allow anybody to make them feel that they weren't good enough. Suddenly I have kids smoking and drinking at my shows, people in their 20s, 30s, and I'm looking into their eyes, and I don't know what to say. I couldn't say, 'Everybody, let's pinky-promise that you're beautiful!' It doesn't work that way, and I know it because I'm dealing with the same shit they're dealing with. What I wanted to say is that life is so stressful, and I get the desire to just escape it. But I wasn't figuring my own stuff out, so I felt I had no wisdom to share. And so maybe I thought everybody out there was thinking, 'This is a waste of time.'"

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On Entering Rehab

"You have no idea how incredible it felt to just be with six girls. Real people who couldn't give two shits about who I was, who were fighting for their lives. It was one of the hardest things I've done, but it was the best thing I've done."

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On Feeling Guilty About Fame

"My mom gave up her whole life for me. Where we're from, you don't really leave. So when I started gaining all this success, there was a guilt that came with it. I thought, 'Do I deserve this?'"

Read Selena's thoughts on dating The Weeknd here.

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