Expectation: to be the bigger person and turn the other cheek. Reality: being so here for all sorts of drama that it's a little bit sickening. (But don't stop!) Because it is probably human nature to enjoy the baser aspects of social interaction, here, for tickling your petty bone, a recap of the smaller-minded things that happened in Celebrityland this week.
When Iggy Azalea "I Don't Know Her"-ed Halsey
Iggy Azalea shimmied back into the spotlight Tuesday when she responded to Halsey's outright insult—if you consider calling somebody a "f*cking moron" an outright insult, which I do—with the oldest diss in the book: "I don't know her." But in the context of the rest of her response, you can see what might be the inner turmoil of somebody who wants to get a shot in while struggling to hold herself back. See what we mean here.
When Mariah Carey Outdid Mariah Carey
Top quotes: "I was focusing on the food." And "I don't know where that motherf*cker is," in response to a question concerning ex-fiancé James Packer and some alleged illegal gift-giving. This implies that she is so done with him she cannot be bothered to give even a guess as to his geographic location. But not so done that she doesn't think of him as a motherf*cker. Delicious.
When This Unnamed Source Tried to Grass-Feed/Pasture-Raise a Rihanna-Naomi Beef
Two levels of petty, with the anonymous "insider" barging in like, "TWO WOMEN WHO WERE ONCE FRIENDLY AREN'T ANYMORE BECAUSE A MAN CHOSE ONE OF THEM OVER THE OTHER." But also petty of us to give attention to it. 😔 (But the quote about Rihanna's new love interest goes "They're both formidable women. No one knows exactly what went on between Naomi and Hassan but she certainly doesn't like being second best." UGH. I HATE MYSELF.)
When the President of the United States Took a Break from "Running the Country" to Tweet About Mika Brzezinski's Blood (Not Fun, but Is Petty)
And he ruined her vacation, which is one of the foulest things anybody could do. Bye forever!