
1. So we don't have to wear pants.
Old Navy Geo-Pattern Poncho-Sweater, $49.94, oldnavy.com (opens in new tab); Old Navy Wool-Felt Fedora, $19.94, oldnavy.com (opens in new tab); Equipment Oscar Cashmere Turtleneck Sweater, $320, net-a-porter.com (opens in new tab); Jill Stuart Zoe White Leather Skirt, jillstuart.com (opens in new tab); Stuart Weitzman The Lowland Boot, $798, stuartweitzman.com (opens in new tab); Jennifer Fisher Cylinder Ring, $290, jenniferfisherjewelry.com (opens in new tab).
Olivia Palermo has worn a very similar outfit before, so going sans trousers is actually a *classy* move. A covered-up upper half, just-visible hemline, and over-the-knee boots strike the right balance of outside-comfy and at-home-in-your-underwear comfy.
2. If you suddenly need to skip town, you've got the raw materials for an impromptu bindle right on your back, stick not included.
3. So we don't have to put on winter coats, so it is therefore not winter yet.
Old Navy Faux-Wool Open-Front Poncho, $39.94, oldnavy.com (opens in new tab); Old Navy Patterned Pixie Chinos, $19.97, oldnavy.com (opens in new tab); Old Navy Faux-Leather Dot-Print Belt, $14, oldnavy.com (opens in new tab); Derek Lam 10 Crosby Longsleeve Blouse, $395, dereklam.com (opens in new tab); Blk Dnm Leather Jacket, $995, blkdnm.com (opens in new tab); Charlotte Olympia Dawn Flats, us.charlotteolympia.com (opens in new tab); Illesteva Milan III Sunglasses , $300, illesteva.com (opens in new tab).
Your best accomplice in self-delusion? The poncho, which, when layered over your trusty leather moto jacket, becomes warm enough for pretty much every climate situation above 40 degrees. (Don't quote me on that.)
4. To transport wine, family-size bags of Cheez-Its, etc. in secret.
Pro tip: Take straw. Insert into bottle. Feed straw through neck hole of poncho into mouth. Enjoy.
5. They're terribly picturesque.
Old Navy Poncho Wrap, $32.94, oldnavy.com (opens in new tab); Ji Oh Emoji Sweater, $500, barneys.com (opens in new tab); Old Navy Mid-Rise Rockstar Skinny Cords, $34.94, oldnavy.com (opens in new tab); Old Navy Faux-Leather Bow Belt, $18, oldnavy.com (opens in new tab); Trademark Stripe Turtleneck, $198, www.trade-mark.com (opens in new tab); Illesteva Boca Amber Sunglasses, $220, illesteva.com (opens in new tab), Coach Betty Loafer, $295, coach.com (opens in new tab).
Ugh, now I have an uncontrollable urge to go apple-picking and frolick in perfectly conical piles of leaves with an L.L. Bean model.
6. The better for showing off your bag/doing the Taylor Swift arm crook (opens in new tab).
It is rather claustrophobic for your pinned-down arm if you try to carry a cross-body while wearing a poncho, so this is the time to whip out your trophy-est clutch or top-handle bag. Matching your pom-pom scarf to your jeans to your plaid not suggested.
7. When you feel bad, you can just put your arms out to the sides.
Flapping and buzzing noises may also help if your day is truly terrible.
8. So we can wear comfy "nothing" outfits underneath but still look dressed.
Old Navy Faux-Wool Open-Front Poncho $39.94, oldnavy.com (opens in new tab); Jill Stuart Flore Suede Shorts, jillstuart.com (opens in new tab); Old Navy Felt Floppy Hat, $19.94, oldnavy.com (opens in new tab); Jill Stuart Patricia Turtleneck, jillstuart.com (opens in new tab); Sandro Amata Bag, $410, us.sandro-paris.com (opens in new tab); The Things We Keep Pia Cuff, $156, ttwkjewelry.com (opens in new tab); Dream Collective Twin Cloud Ring, $270, dreamcollective.com (opens in new tab); Dream Collective Pyramid Ring, $340, dreamcollective.com (opens in new tab); Jennifer Fisher Double ID Ring, $340, jenniferfisherjewelry.com (opens in new tab); Jennifer Fisher Bow Ring, $280, jenniferfisherjewelry.com (opens in new tab).
One time, someone in some magazine picked out a funnel-neck, feather-trimmed evening coat for Gwyneth Paltrow to wear over a simple black "nothing" dress. All the other times, we've gone to work and events in basics but with a distraction piece on top so that's all anybody notices.
9. This meme, which you can recreate any time you want.
10. Camouflaging any physical evidence of last night's drunchies.
Lemon water (opens in new tab) and Ardha Matsyendrasana are not the answer. Ponchos are the answer.
Follow Marie Claire on Instagram (opens in new tab) for the latest celeb news, pretty pics, funny stuff, and an insider POV.
Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.
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