1. So we don't have to wear pants.
Old Navy Geo-Pattern Poncho-Sweater, $49.94, oldnavy.com; Old Navy Wool-Felt Fedora, $19.94, oldnavy.com; Equipment Oscar Cashmere Turtleneck Sweater, $320, net-a-porter.com; Jill Stuart Zoe White Leather Skirt, jillstuart.com; Stuart Weitzman The Lowland Boot, $798, stuartweitzman.com; Jennifer Fisher Cylinder Ring, $290, jenniferfisherjewelry.com.
Olivia Palermo has worn a very similar outfit before, so going sans trousers is actually a *classy* move. A covered-up upper half, just-visible hemline, and over-the-knee boots strike the right balance of outside-comfy and at-home-in-your-underwear comfy.
2. If you suddenly need to skip town, you've got the raw materials for an impromptu bindle right on your back, stick not included.
3. So we don't have to put on winter coats, so it is therefore not winter yet.
Old Navy Faux-Wool Open-Front Poncho, $39.94, oldnavy.com; Old Navy Patterned Pixie Chinos, $19.97, oldnavy.com; Old Navy Faux-Leather Dot-Print Belt, $14, oldnavy.com; Derek Lam 10 Crosby Longsleeve Blouse, $395, dereklam.com; Blk Dnm Leather Jacket, $995, blkdnm.com; Charlotte Olympia Dawn Flats, us.charlotteolympia.com; Illesteva Milan III Sunglasses , $300, illesteva.com.
Your best accomplice in self-delusion? The poncho, which, when layered over your trusty leather moto jacket, becomes warm enough for pretty much every climate situation above 40 degrees. (Don't quote me on that.)
4. To transport wine, family-size bags of Cheez-Its, etc. in secret.
Pro tip: Take straw. Insert into bottle. Feed straw through neck hole of poncho into mouth. Enjoy.
5. They're terribly picturesque.
Old Navy Poncho Wrap, $32.94, oldnavy.com; Ji Oh Emoji Sweater, $500, barneys.com; Old Navy Mid-Rise Rockstar Skinny Cords, $34.94, oldnavy.com; Old Navy Faux-Leather Bow Belt, $18, oldnavy.com; Trademark Stripe Turtleneck, $198, www.trade-mark.com; Illesteva Boca Amber Sunglasses, $220, illesteva.com, Coach Betty Loafer, $295, coach.com.
Ugh, now I have an uncontrollable urge to go apple-picking and frolick in perfectly conical piles of leaves with an L.L. Bean model.
6. The better for showing off your bag/doing the Taylor Swift arm crook.
It is rather claustrophobic for your pinned-down arm if you try to carry a cross-body while wearing a poncho, so this is the time to whip out your trophy-est clutch or top-handle bag. Matching your pom-pom scarf to your jeans to your plaid not suggested.
7. When you feel bad, you can just put your arms out to the sides.
Flapping and buzzing noises may also help if your day is truly terrible.
8. So we can wear comfy "nothing" outfits underneath but still look dressed.
Old Navy Faux-Wool Open-Front Poncho $39.94, oldnavy.com; Jill Stuart Flore Suede Shorts, jillstuart.com; Old Navy Felt Floppy Hat, $19.94, oldnavy.com; Jill Stuart Patricia Turtleneck, jillstuart.com; Sandro Amata Bag, $410, us.sandro-paris.com; The Things We Keep Pia Cuff, $156, ttwkjewelry.com; Dream Collective Twin Cloud Ring, $270, dreamcollective.com; Dream Collective Pyramid Ring, $340, dreamcollective.com; Jennifer Fisher Double ID Ring, $340, jenniferfisherjewelry.com; Jennifer Fisher Bow Ring, $280, jenniferfisherjewelry.com.
One time, someone in some magazine picked out a funnel-neck, feather-trimmed evening coat for Gwyneth Paltrow to wear over a simple black "nothing" dress. All the other times, we've gone to work and events in basics but with a distraction piece on top so that's all anybody notices.
9. This meme, which you can recreate any time you want.
10. Camouflaging any physical evidence of last night's drunchies.
Lemon water and Ardha Matsyendrasana are not the answer. Ponchos are the answer.
Follow Marie Claire on Instagram for the latest celeb news, pretty pics, funny stuff, and an insider POV.