Would You Try Mismatched Shoes? This Might Persuade You

Even though all feelings are valid, yada yada, a fear of mismatched shoes is highly irrational. (Several far better phobias: homicidal clowns, the world's people failing to set aside their differences in the wake of an alien invasion, Kevin Spacey.) For one, no matter how groggy you are in the morning, you will never, ever leave the house in one sneaker and one loafer—I can almost guarantee it. You will notice the height difference right away and make a U-turn. For another, mismatched shoes are an entirely respectable trend that have been a long time coming.

In my memory, Rachel Antonoff's collaboration with Bass (yes, of Weejuns fame) was perhaps the first time wearing polka-dot saddle shoes in coordinating colors could be considered a deliberate, nice-looking choice. To wit, monochrome or shades in the same family will always fare better than, say, one tangerine Converse and one in cobalt...

Unless you are a true original like Helena Bonham Carter, CBE. Remember that you will have to buy or own two pairs of the same satin pumps for this to work—similar but ultimately different footwear will not do, as any subtle difference in the soles will cause an irritating limp.

And for last, Céline Spring 2017's French art-magnate Queen of Hearts, or the clincher of this persuasive essay. With a fancy-lady draped dress and fancy-lady's-even-fancier-grandmother accessories, red and white boots look on-purpose and even respectable. You see? There is really nothing to fear—except Kevin Spacey himself.

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