Does He Have to Be Super Hot?

At first she was just confused: how could a really hot guy result in boring sex? Maybe it would get better as they got to know one another better. But it didn't get better.

(Image credit:

The other day I was thinking about how my friend and my sister had outlined their experiences of dating the dreamy super-hot guy. Both found that their personalities eventually muted the sparks in the relationship. It gave me hope that a guy like me, who doesn't turn all the heads when he walks into the room, can get by on personality.

I've read a lot of comments from you about how personality endures beyond looks and holds up over time. It's the last thing we have to hold on to within the other person. Looks will fade eventually, but personality doesn't die. Perhaps, we all know this deep down, even when the really hot person that we had such high hope of becoming the one doesn't turn out to have all that great a personality.

My older sister dated a really good-looking guy in college. But he began to show personality flaws. Aside from the fact that he'd bring his wild out of control dog, Georgia, to our house every time he visited (somehow I ended up being the one who had to corral and watch Georgia), it turned out that he had been cheating on my sister for some time.

Along with the cheating behavior, there was always something strange about him. He didn't really endear himself to anyone, and his personality was more cardboard than electric. This was fine-perhaps my sister wanted to have the dominant personality. But when she found out that he had painted his toenails after their breakup, I guess she felt even more validated forbreaking up with him.

My one friend made a great point about personality when she told me about this "really hot guy" she had been seeing. She had always told herself that this was what she was after: a super hot guy to hang out with, sleep with, and date. Now she had finally found him.

But the problem was she found him boring. And his boringness made the sex bad. At first she was just confused: how could a really hot guy result in boring sex? Maybe it would get better as they got to know one another better. But it didn't get better. I remember her pleading with me: "the sex is so boring, but he's so hot-I want this to work out. I don't understand."

The situation culminated when she was having sex with him while the movie Wedding Crashers played in the background. While they were having sex she noticed her favorite scene was coming up, and-sure enough-she looked over his shoulder and laughed at the scene while they were having sex.

There was no denying it-he even asked: "did you just laugh at the TV?"

This story is very sad, but there's a silver lining. My friend, from the outset, continued to struggle with the fact that this super-hot guy was boring. She tried to work with it-no way she could let him go, he was so hot! Eventually, she just had to because his personality did not match his looks.

Sometimes we get hung up on looks and forget about personality. We go charging into a relationship and then we look around and realize it's boring, or we're getting cheated on, or there's some other personality flaw. There are plenty of "hot" people who are wonderful people. But, when we get involved with someone just because they look great, we realize that the balance of looks and personality may not be there.

A lot of us have that person in our past-that really hot person, perhaps the hottest person we dated, that showed us that it's not all about looks. So, when you do meet that really attractive-looking person, it's best to take it a little slower and make sure that this person won't eventually bore you or hurt you.

What is your experience with really good-looking guys? Have you had that super-hot boyfriend who turned out to have personality flaws, and did it teach you to look for more well-rounded guys, or even look for personality first before looks? Does a boring guy usually mean the sex is going to be boring too?