THE SPEED-DATING UPDATE
I got my speed-dating matches! And I'm quite pleased. But now I'm going to stay mum about the whole thing for a while ... because I suddenly became terrified last night that all the dudes from the illustrious Nerd Niteevent will now Google me, find out I'm a dating blogger (gasp!) and run for the hills. At least I'm not [link title='Speed-Dating?' href='https://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a3268/nerdiness-ages-well-speed-dating-nerd-nite-galapagos/' link_updater_label='external_hearst' target='_blank']the writer of erotic literature for children.
(Again: WTF does that mean? Is it sex ed stuff? Or ... I seriously half-wonder if I should report that dude to the authorities. Whatever means, it's not the kind of joke anyone should make, certainly not without an explanation.)
Now, you might be thinking "Maura, don't be so full of yourself--people aren't going to Google you. People don't care about your dumb blog." Well, that's what I used to think. And then I started to realize they do.
Case in point:
SOMEBODY BLOGS ABOUT ME BLOGGING ABOUT HIM
Yesterday, I got a note from a dude I'd once flirted with--someone I'd mentioned on my blog. I hadn't given him a fake name, the way I do for most full-fledged characters, a la Barnaby Jepperboom. I'd merely said he was "a hot band guy."
(This is Hot Band Guy. Isn't he adorable? I bet his skin is really soft. Hi, Hot Band Guy!)
Anyway, Hot Band Guy wrote to invite me to some performance-thing he was doing last night. We've exchanged friendly emails before, and so this time, again, we went back and forth a bit ... and eventually, he mentioned that he'd "really enjoyed" reading about himself on the Marie Claire site.
"Frankly, it was kind of exhilarating," he said. Then he added, "Having spoken to you in person, I can tell that
you come off as much more neurotic when writing your blog."
Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way.
Then he told me--oh yes--that HE had blogged about me blogging about him.
Here's the condensed version (although you can read the uncensored version right here):
myself so frequently, [writes Hot Musician-Blogger Guy], I don't really think about what it would be
like for someone else to write about me, and I'd never really met
anyone else who keeps a blog- until quite recently. I went to a
literary reading last month and afterward ... I was chatting
with a writer-girl ... and I was modestly flirting or
"hitting on" her to use the male nomenclature of the act. ... During the conversation she offhandedly mentioned that she
keeps a daily blog that is actually about flirting. I hadn't realized I was going head to head with a professional. I decided then and there I had to pull out my A-game, which for me
meant staying charming just long enough to finish my beer and leave
on a high note before I ran out of witty banter or got drunk. We
exchanged information and I left. A-Game brought. ...
Of course the
first thing I did when I got home was check out her blog.
I enjoyed reading
about her adventures in dating and flirting and over the next week,
we emailed back and forth a bit, continuing the conversation. I also continued to browse her blog and
while my likeness did not grace the pages, many interesting posts did
that gave me pause.
I couldn't quite
decide if having this insight into a someone's world would put a person
at an advantage
over or a disadvantage under the person who wrote it. Granted, you have
to understand that in writing, especially about topics like dating, the
writer has to make him- or herself into something of a character--one who shares certain characteristics with
him- or herself, but is not necessarily an entirely accurate representation of who he or she is. We have to really emphasize certain things--our neuroses or vanity or whatever--to make the story we're telling more clear.
All this knowledge however, was not enough to prevent me from losing my cool in the face of a woman who blogs. ...
We met again at
another reading the next week and I would say I was distracted at
best. Now fearing that my lame flirting skills would appear for thousands to read about, I was a bit flustered. My conversation
skills were less than sparkling that night as my brain searched
itself for something interesting to say. I actually think I started
talking about how little I have been published. What the f*ck
is wrong with me? At any rate, I had to run to a friend's show right
after the reading, so at least I didn't embarrass myself for too
Curious to see if
the Hindenburg made the papers, I checked her blog the following
Monday and my eyes went wide as they scanned the page. There on
screen was a detailed account
of what had happened! ...
But reading it, I couldn't help having a
huge grin on my face and giggling like a little girl the entire time ... . It was still
what every man has always dreamed of--a window into a woman's mind--her thoughts on him! The conversation, the emails, the fact that i'm financially unstable: it was all there! I was even
referred to with the incredibly appropriate pseudonym, Hot Band Guy.
No one's going to accuse her of bad taste anyway. ...
After reading her take on our second meeting, I was finally able to
really understand the effect I have on women when I'm
nervous. To quote
her account of the evening: "After about 7.5 minutes, I was totally
bored. And I knew that I would never be able to continue talking
to him for more time than it took for me to down my club soda." So,
to extrapolate on this-- clearly, this woman is insane.
Because I am always interesting. Always! Well, obviously that is not
true. But you know, I really couldn't even be offended. She didn't
use my real name and I can't blame her for being bored. Half the time
I just sat there nodding at what she was saying like some kind of
giant bobble-head. ... In the end, I forwarded the link to every contact in my address book and bragged
that I was that boring jackass!
Lovelies: Do you think this is all as hilarious as I do? Hot Band Guy is totally reading today. And accepting applications from Sugar Mamams.
-is it just me, or has anyone else noticed THERE IS A SECOND EDWINNA???? (hello there!)
-and JV: thank you for writing! i love hearing from boys on here. i'm really glad John Keegan's advice was helpful for you; your dress-to-the-nines date sounds AWESOME. give us an update, willya?
-Amber: Don Hooks says, indeed, the Nerd Nite speed-dating was of remarkably high-quality; he's been to other similar events here in NYC that were abysmal. so maybe there is some organization that organizes a cool speed-dating night near you?