My sister once gave her number to a guy because he knew me and it would have been awkward if rejected him. They went on a few dates, (opens in new tab) and she complained the enitre time. The last thing I heard before they became an item was: "he won't stop trying, but I'll get out of it soon." (opens in new tab) This somehow turned into a three year relationship.
A friend of mine explained she wasn't into this guy she was dating; he was "annoying" and it "was not going anywhere". He continued to be "annoying" (opens in new tab)even though they went on vacations and got more and more into it. They are still dating, and I'm sure that- two years later- she still calls him "annoying".
I live by the rule that one rejection means I beat a hasty retreat (opens in new tab)to save face. For example, if a girl wants to call me back, she'll call after my first call right? The agonizing days waiting for a call back fuels the mind to make up reasons for why she hasn't called back, ranging from simple to crazy:
- She never got the message (opens in new tab)
- The message was unclear
- She accidentally deleted my message and number
- She's busy with work
-She's been abdjucted by aliens
- She changed into a giant roach over night like that guy Gregor in Kafka's Metamorphosis (opens in new tab)
Most of the girls I know tell me to call back one more time after I don't hear from a girl. There is growing evidence that "no" could mean "yes," or event a few "nos" could mean "yes." Let's examine why this is so:
Women Say That They Didn't Like Their Boyfriend At First
I'm not sure if women say this just to give their boyfriends a tough time but they will say something like:
"I thought he was creepy at first." (opens in new tab)
"He grew on me."
"When he first came up to me I was thinking 'who is this loser?" (opens in new tab)
If we stick around long enough, maybe we have a fighting chance.
Men Love The Thrill of the Chase, and Women Know It
We know that you know that we like the thrill of the chase. (opens in new tab) So, if you're saying "no", we tell ourselves that you're just playing "hard to get". In fact, we may enjoy hearing "no" at first because it intensifies the challenge, and means you care enough to play hard to get. Those of us who can't take a hint, or want to look at our failure in a positive light might keep trying until we know we are "offically rejected". It's sad when it turns out that, "no" was indeed "no," and it was not part of a game. (opens in new tab)
We've Been Rewarded for "Campaigns"
Most of my courtships take on the appearance of a political campaign. (opens in new tab) And what happens in political campaigns? Politicians work to change opinions and minds of the populace. Often, my courtships are moments and tactics that end up convincing a girl to date me. Maybe that's why I'm still single. (opens in new tab) I've grown accustomed to overcoming obsticles such as early "nos" to get to where I want to be.
"Nos" and "Yesses" Aren't Always Solid In The Beginning
In the beginning, even "yesses" aren't always sure "yesses." When things start off you think to yourself, "what the heck am I doing?" Similarly, "nos" aren't solid either. One or both people are prone to change their minds easily.
We Can Turn an "Unsure No" Into A "Yes"
Most of us guys have been there: the night ends, and weinvite the girl to to come home with us. (opens in new tab) When a girl says no, we launch into our second and third attempts. Sadly, these attempts arefilled with incentives such as a promise of guitar playing or "fabulous chicken tenders at the diner by my place", (opens in new tab)or even promises: "I will definitely call you the next day," etc. I've taken girls home after long discussions changing "nos" into "yesses," and had long discussions before making out as well:
- Debating the pros and cons of making out in relation to our friendship
- Discussing how we'll hide it from certian people if it happens
- Convincing a girl she's not "slutty" if we make out on the first night (opens in new tab)
So, given the amount of times we have to convince, change minds, turn the tides, and overcome obstacles, we've learned that sometimes "no" can mean "yes". Or, at lease we can turn our frown upside down with a little focused, hard work and persuasion.
Have you been into a guy and told him "no" anyway? Are my reasons accurate? How can I recognize a real "no," and a "flexible no"? Do you use "nos" to make a guy work harder to win you over?
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