Being alone is scary (opens in new tab), but it has benefits.
Recently, a co-worker approached me with that "I've figured out women (opens in new tab)" gleam in his eye. It's similar to the look that person must have had when they discovered bread was better in sliced form.
As his gleam intensified, rivaling that of an "enlightened" person who just joined a cult, he said, "Last night, I was alone in the bar, reading a book, and I got THREE numbers." Like a preacher at the climax of his sermon, he proclaimed:
It was an impressive theory, but only part of the solution to the riddle known as womankind. Most male "discoveries" are way off, but we subscribe because there is no pat answer.
There are, however, reasons going out alone might attract women:
You Look Confident
I must admit I'm insecure going out alone because of my need to be around people I know. But I'd look confident (opens in new tab) and independent if I went out alone.
It Forces You to Meet People
You're by yourself, so you might as well mingle.
When I'm with the guys, our group is intimidating; when I'm with a girl, she might be mistaken for my girlfriend (opens in new tab). You can almost assume a person would welcome conversation (opens in new tab) if they are out alone. A person might approach you before they approach all the big groups around you at a venue.
You're Not Distracted
My single buddy and I have, as my friend Margaret calls it, a standing Friday happy hour date (opens in new tab). Our weekly tryst consists of binge bar crawls, sportscaster impersonations, and other stupid inside jokes that require no brainpower. Recently, we were huddled in the corner of a bar watching this really bad scene from (opens in new tab)Silent Night Deadly Night 2 (opens in new tab)known as "garbage day" on my phone. (opens in new tab) Amongst our giggling, my buddy implored me: "Play it again, play it again!"
Quite frankly, my buddy is more entertaining than most girls we meet when we are out (opens in new tab). And even if we could concentrate on hitting on ladies, I doubt our Friday Happy Hour behavior is attractive.
You're Acting Like Yourself
When I'm not with people like my buddy, I'm not a goofball. I tend to get a little spastic with my friends. If I'm one-on-one with a girl, I'm calmer, smoother (opens in new tab), and I'll make a better first impression (opens in new tab).
You Don't Appear to Be "on the Prowl"
It's a nice change when a guy isn't all about getting a girl in bed (opens in new tab). Guys don't look so aggressive reading or having a drink at a venue without their pack of buddies.
You Get Sympathy
My friend Margaret told me that sometimes she sees a guy alone and thinks: "Aw look at that poor guy, I bet he could use some company." I suppose it appeals to a woman's nurturing nature.
You Can "Accessorize"
My co-worker's book was an intelligent source of conversation. I guess I should wait until I'm finished reading the Manson murder book Helter Skelter before I accessorize. Margaret said she'd "move to another seat on the bus" if she was next to a guy reading that. I'll pose with something smart (opens in new tab), like a Herman Melville book (opens in new tab).
You Have No Competition
I bet I look pretty darn good without my stupid better-looking friends around! (opens in new tab)
You're Not Always Out on Weekends
On weekends, most bar patrons are drinking their faces off, and bars are super-crowded. Venues are calmer during the week, creating settings for friendly communication. We tend to hang out in groups on weekends, regardless of what we do, and it's tough to leave your group or approach a group.
You Probably Won't Get Too Drunk
On weekends with my buddies, I'm downing drinks — nothing to be proud of. But, if I'm at a bar having a beer, I won't overdo it. Even if I have a buzz, it will be the correct amount: I'll be loose, but not super-obnoxious like when I drink with friends (opens in new tab).
The drawback to going out alone is looking like the loner psycho with no friends. But going out to study, read, get out of the apartment, etc., is not a bad thing. Who knows, you might even meet an interesting person or two if you avoid looking creepy (opens in new tab) or getting wasted.
Do you have success meeting guys when you go out alone? Do you think guys who are alone are more approachable? What's your opinion of a guy when you see him alone having a beer or coffee? Do you feel sorry for him, or does it depend on what he's doing? Do you agree with the theory above?
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)
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