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I pride myself on being a total born again virgin. Of course,I am afflicted with intimacy issues (opens in new tab), but I think casual sex is not worth the reward.
I'd like to point out the negatives about two types of casual sex:the one night stand (opens in new tab)(any short lived sexual encounter with a random or acquaintance) and the f*ck buddy (consistent sex with a friend without a romantic relationship):
One Night Stands
I'm freaked out about STDs, (opens in new tab) but better safe than sorry, right? Allowing strangers close to your body is risky. There are several STDs going around, and some of these can't even be cured.
Like drugs or candy, one night stands are a temporary fix for inner emptiness, or an escape. While it's happening, you're feeling satisfied. The aftermath of a one night stand is like "coming down," and this is where the guilt and shame kick in. (opens in new tab) I've never felt good after a one night stand. I lament my actions, and the shallow experience. And then I wonder why I did it.
Most of us don't care what random people think of our actions, but we do care about what our friends and families think.A string of one night stands carries a stigma. (opens in new tab) Even my guy friends and I (although we are quite "womanly" about many things (opens in new tab)) worry about buddies who have many night stands. It's reckless behavior. While it's sometimes glorified for men, one night stands might make a woman look "easy." (opens in new tab)
It Might Ruin the Friendship
Most of these arrangements come to an end at some point, and it's tough to go on as friends after sexual relations. (opens in new tab)
One of You Will Probably Want More
It's tough to maintain a perfect balance.Are you both really in it just for sex (opens in new tab), or is one of you hoping that a deeper relationship will grow out of this? Most of the time, one person does want more, and it's painful for them when it becomes apparent the other person is never going to come around. (opens in new tab) On top of this pain, the "casual sex" pain occurs: the person feels bad because the sex wasn't emotional at all-it was purely physical.
It Can Be Ended Any Time, Any Way
If one of you finds someone they connect with emotionally, then you will walk out of the f*ck buddy situation. This will leave the other f*ck buddy feeling used and betrayed. (opens in new tab)
There is no commitment in a f*ck buddy relationship, (opens in new tab) so no one is breaking any rules if they suddenly fly the coup. It hurts the f*ck buddy , because it feels that much more shallow when they are left behind for a deeper relationship. No one has to be responsible to the other in any way in a f*ck buddy relationship, and that's risky.
Of course, the opposite can happen. Why end it when you're having sex with someone you're comfortable with regularly? (opens in new tab) You might fall into the pattern of the f*ck buddy relationship, and you stop not looking around for a romantic relationship. You might miss some chances. (opens in new tab)
The biggest implication of casual sex in any form is how it changes your view of sex. It's similar to excessive porn. (opens in new tab) It desensitizes you.
I read a lot about serial killers (yeah, I'm damaged): the killing gets easier with each instance. Of course, sex is not like murder, but does casual sex get easier and easier with each instance?
Growing up, sex was a big deal, an experience, something to be taken seriously. Too much casual sex might minimize the impact.
Ultimately, sex could be thought of like a diet. (opens in new tab) When you think about what you're putting in your body, it can be frightening. It's important to treat your body right through your diet. Sex carries implications on a higher level than diet: like diet, casual sex is related to how you treat your body but, unlike diet, it has mental implications as well.
One final issue with casual sex is that, while it's exciting, it might not be the best sex. Most people agree that sex is best when there's an emotional connection. (opens in new tab)
So is there a point to sex without emotional connection? Does casual sex have an emotional connection? Have you ever been able to have "healthy" casual sex-- how did you make it work? How did it make you feel? Do you agree that the bad outweighs the good with casual sex?
Follow me on Twitter:twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)
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