10 Ways to Spot a Commitment-Phobe

By Katherine Hahn published 17 June 14

Photo Credit: Pictorial Press Ltd / Alamy

Perpetual bachelor George Clooney is bidding adieu to 25 years of being a ladies man after popping the question to girlfriend Amal Alamuddin. What took him so long? D.H. Barkley dug through Clooney's romantic past and wrote George Clooney: From Bachelor to Betrothed, a new e-book giving insight into how commitment works and doesn't work. This specific persona (think Carrie's Mr. Big or Bridget Jones' Daniel Cleaver) avoids getting emotionally close and fears dependency on and by a partner. Lucky for us, Barkley shared her tips on spotting these guys – before you waste any time.

A history of intense relations that didn't last. They come with a long list of excuses for why they never settle down, from the pressure of work to not having met Ms. Right.

Seduction. They're tireless in their efforts to win you over during the initial chase. Although such attention is flattering, it may be an early warning sign.

Losing interest once the chase is over. They love the uncomplicated magic of the start of a relationship but get bored quickly, with little appetite for the ups and downs of everyday life together.

Being hot and cold.Intense love and affection is followed by no texts or calls for days, often excused by work or travel commitments.

Desire for control.They like to feel one step ahead and tend to take charge of what the couple does.

Love of freedom and fear of being tied down.They may perceive intimacy as a trap and often date people whose circumstances make it easier to avoid too much entanglement (such as living far apart).

Unrealistic expectations. When their partner doesn't measure up to the impossible, commitment phobes become disillusioned and consumed with picking out negative traits.

Wandering eye. They constantly check out other people, even while on dates, as part of a need to feel like the bachelor door is always open.

Pulling away when you have "the talk."They often claim they would be no good at a long-term relationship, using the risk of failure as their get-out clause.

Blaming their partner. They blame their partner when challenged about their lack of commitment to a long-term future, citing neediness or clinginess.

So next time you're asked out, be smart! You deserve someone willing and able to make you his number one.