You know, sometimes you wake up thinking the world is a magical place and then you read a story about how someone created a glitter bomb for vaginas and all that hope and wonder goes right out the window.
You remember that there is really no end to the world telling women that their vaginas need to be altered, douched, cleaned, trimmed, poked, and changed to suit others. Everything from menstrual pad commercials to "beautifying" women's vaginas through vajazzling has been used to shame us vulva-owning humans.
So, logically, why not go a step further and just shove glitter up there, right?
Yes, that's right. There are actual glitter bombs you can stick up your vagina for $7 a pop (pun intended). Never mind what a terrible idea this is, as highlighted by a New York Post feature about the woman who invented them.
Pretty Woman Inc.—yeah, it's actually called that— makes these "Passion Dust intimacy capsules" and describes them as follows:
"It's only purpose is to add a sparkle and flavor to your natural vaginal fluids to make the experience of lovemaking that much more fun and enjoyable for you and your partner. Your body's physical responses help to release the Passion Dust. Basically, the more excited you get physically the faster the capsule dissolves creating a sparkly, flavored orgasm."
A sparkly, flavored orgasm…more like a sparkly-flavored yeast infection.
Doctors are already up in arms over this ridiculous invention. While the makers assure users that the capsules are safe, professionals have very different feelings.
OBGYN Dr. Jen Gunter wrote on her blog about the harmful effects this glitter could have on your natural vaginal flora, saying, "Could the plastic be a nidus for bacteria? Sure. I've seen a nasty inflammatory vaginal discharge from sand so this could be a similar set up. If it isn't plastic and it's sugar, well, depositing sugar in the vagina lets the bad bacteria go wild. Studies looking at treating bacterial vaginosis with vaginally administered probiotics were halted because the glucose keeping the probiotics alive made the bad bacteria go wild."
So it's fair to say that you shouldn't be putting anything like this in your vagina. Ever. The vagina is a self-cleaning organ that does not need any meddling. It is a delicate ecosystem that, when tampered with, will get pissed off.
Here is a startling revelation: Your vagina doesn't need to sparkle. Your vagina is perfect the way it is. You do not need to go shoving foreign, pH-imbalancing objects that spray glitter into your vaginas. Promise.