9 Reasons It's Tough to Be Friends with a Crush

Most guy-girl friend duos were once complicated because one person had a crush on the other person. In fact, many of my friendships with women (before I started working) developed because I was attracted to them.

Most guy-girl friend duos were once complicated because one person had a crush on the other person. In fact, many of my friendships with women (before I started working) developed because I was attracted to them.

If you're not able to date someone, there might be the option of remaining friends. But sometimes this isn't easy. Here are reasons why it's tough to be friends with a crush:

It's So Easy

Isn't this how love is supposed to be? You get along so well, you make each other laugh, respect each other. You can call them five times a day and they won't think you're psycho. You can tell them anything. Well, of course it's easy when you're just friends, because there's no pressure and no sex. The easier things are between you, the easier it seems to take that next step. But it's frustrating that you can't just do it.

You Might Become a Romantic Confidante

This is the worst place to be: they tell you about all the other people they want to date. Even worse, you may become one of their confidantes, giving them advice on how to land that special someone in their life. All you can do is be a good sport and give them the best advice you can, outside of "forget about them and date me...can't you see?"

Romantic Moments Must Have a Limit

At times, you are basically dating your friend without the intimacy. You go out to dinner, movies, spend a lot of time together. Things really get painful when you end up crashing together in bed. Maybe I'm lame, but I've crashed in bed with many crushes that were just friends, without making a move. I just lay there and wished we could be closer. It really sucked when the girl felt safe enough with me as a friend to cuddle while we slept. I wish I wasn't "safe friend" all the time.

They Might Want One of Your Friends

In a painful variation of Romantic Confidante, your crush might end up liking one of your friends they meet through you. Because they just think of you as a friend, they will tell you and solicit advice. Megan, my best girlfriend in college, assisted me in many schemes, trying to help me get with her sorority sisters. We'd literally sit down with one of those composites with all of their pictures and I'd pick out the cute ones. Later on, I found out that Megan had told my friends she liked me, and I realized that those projects must have been quite annoying for her.

You'll Always Have Hope

You'll read into things they do, hoping it means something. And you'll secretly think that your friendship will turn into a relationship someday if you do everything right.

The Outside World Expects You to Get Together

Everyone who knows you sees how great you are together. And, because we live in this voyeuristic Us Weekly-reading world, people ask why you aren't dating, or suggest that you should be dating. In fact, when I went to Megan's wedding, many of her relatives pulled me aside and said: "We always thought you'd be the one walking down that aisle with her." I guess Megan never told them of my fears of commitment and my frustrating immaturity.

You Can't Reveal Your Feelings

This is the old "don't rock the boat" rule. You value your friendship, and taking the next step might destroy it. Even if you're not afraid of destroying the friendship by taking the next step, you still hold back because you know the other person sees you as a friend. So, your feelings are left to burn inside secretly.


Whether it's simple biology, mood, chemistry, or a combination of all of these things, there is often sexual tension with friends of the opposite sex. And there's one way to relieve this tension that would be quite fun, but you just can't do it.

You Would Treat Them Better

If you're very close, every time your friend is hurt or frustrated in love, they might come to you for solace and comfort. You have to sit there watching different people hurt them and take them for granted, knowing you would give them the world and treat them right. But, all you can do is be there for them when they are hurt before they move on to the next bad apple.