Bonnaroo, June 11-14
The scene: A sprawling hippie jamboree on 700 acres of Tennessee farmland
The guys: Half-baked, mud-caked, and able to recite the set list from Phish's second night at Red Rocks in '94
Hookup essentials: Sleeveless Patagonia fleece, glowstick, and a spare roll of toilet paper
Pickup line: "I've got a dime bag and a tent built for two . . ."
CMA Music Festival, June 11-14
The scene: Nashville's all-ages boots-and-Stetsons blowout, this year featuring country queens Reba and Martina
The guys: Nascar-loving good ol' boys who cherish their GMCs second only to their mamas
Hookup essentials: Beer, cutoffs, "Don't Mess With Texas" pride
Pickup line: "You look like you could use some Southern comfort."
Lollapalooza, August 7-9
The scene: Slickly produced, kid-friendly rock-and-hip-hop extravaganza-Radiohead, Kanye-in downtown Chicago
The guys: Aging hipsters in Diesel jeans and Obama tees
Hookup essentials: Ray-Bans, next-gen iPhones, a copy of the latest issue of Watchmen
Pickup line: "When does your severance run out?"
Newport Folk Festival, July 31-August 2
The scene: Soul-stirring acoustic chillfest on the sailboat-flecked shores of Rhode Island
The guys: Unshaven, earnest, and owning nothing that requires dry cleaning
Hookup essentials: Batik blanket, peasant dress, a quick temper about Dylan going electric
Pickup line: "There's more Mount Gay in the Forester-help me get it?"