Gratuitous tears, once the domain of televangelists and best actresses, have popped up all over the boldfaced world. MC looks at who's weeping, and why.

TARA CONNER, MISS USA

First for winning the crown, then for getting busted making out with Miss Teen USA.

PARIS HILTON

It was so, so unfair that she had to go to jail, when all she did was break the law. Repeatedly.

HEATHER MILLS

The media's "hate campaign" caused her to consider suicide — she told us on TV.

ELLEN DEGENERES

Distressingly, pet-adoption rules actually apply to famous people.

DUANE "DOG" CHAPMAN

The bounty hunter and n-word user mourned the loss of his TV career.

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