It recently dawned on me that I am being too picky with the girls I date. After I thought about this idea in more depth, I realized that I’m really no prize, so who am I to even be picky? I decided to try an exercise that is very much against what I was taught to do.
I spent 14 years being educated at a small private Quaker school. The experience was amazing, but it gave me too much self worth. I distinctly remember a story about an I.L.A.C sign that hangs invisibly around our necks. I.L.A.C stands for I Am Loveable And Capable. It’s taken me years to even buy into this—and, you know what, I still haven’t bought into it completely. The story dictates that every time someone says something hurtful, or crippling to you, a piece of your I.L.A.C sign is broken off. If we go around hurting one another too much, then we are all left broken, with no sense of I.L.A.C.
But, I’ve been too picky with the girls I want to date. Perhaps I am alone because I don’t deserve anyone beautiful, special, or intelligent.
So, instead of looking in the mirror tonight and telling myself that I deserve someone great (I.L.A.C), I will go over all of the things I don’t like about myself. If I humble myself, and realize that I’m not that special, perhaps my standards, which are impossibly high, will come down and I will be more forgiving when a strand of a girl’s hair seems out of place.
So, here are the things I don’t like about myself and how I will correct them:
1. My Facial Hair
My eyebrows are too thick—like the Grinch’s. I also don’t like where some of the hair on my face is. This is the biggest thing about my appearance I wish I could change. It’s been on my conscious since I was in Middle School.
SOLUTION: I’ve been going to this lady who lasers the hell out of my face...yes, I admit it.
2. My Gut
Luckily, I seem to get by with this. The Grinch has one too—hell, maybe I am the Grinch. But, I’m pretty happy with my physique other than my gut. I’d feel perfect if I could get rid of it.
SOLUTION: Run 45 minutes at least three times a week and stop eating such big portions. Wow, that doesn’t seem fun at all.
3. My Dating Attitude
Remember when we first met? I was going to re-vamp myself as 2008 Rich? Yeah, he’s still in Beta. Just the other night I saw and adorable girl in a bar and watched two really lame guys hit on her and get rebuked. But, you know what? I am lamer than those guys because I just stood there and admired her. I need to find that gear, get into it, try, try, try, fail, fail, fail...and succeed at some point...and I have to want to succeed.
SOLUTION: Get up off my ass and meet people, and remember the spirit of 2008 Rich.
I should be writing more music, more stories, writing more friends on email. I should be kicking ass at work. I should be taking trips home to help my parents around their house. I should be sending my nieces gifts. I should be volunteering in soup kitchens, and making the world better because I was lucky enough to be brought into this world and into a household that armed me with the tools to do it.
SOLUTION: Grow up. Realize life is short. Try it little by little and build new habits. It’s always possible. Research. Find things that kill two birds with one stone (#3 and #4 in this case) like this cool dating service that matches up couples to do volunteer work together (they are currently only serving NYC, but over the next year they plan to expand into other cities). Don’t be afraid of the challenge of powerful women who do stuff like this.
I don’t know if that was particularly healthy to do. I think it was fair to do though—since I am continuously writing about how I can’t find a girl because I’m so picky. Maybe I can’t change those standards I have. But, I can change myself enough: improve while I’m single...so that when I meet this amazing girl, I can be up to her standards.
What things about yourselves would you change? Do you think it’s helpful to, once in a while, look at the things you need to change? Does it help you in dating, relationships, and personal growth?