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February 28, 2000

What Will Your Sex Life Be Like in 5, 10, 20 Years?

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40s
WHAT REALLY HAPPENS TO YOUR SEX LIFE IN YOUR 40S

Women in their 40s want to have sex more often than younger women do, according to a survey by The Oxygen Network for its new show, Campus Ladies. That said, your vagina begins to lose elasticity and your pelvic floor weakens, so arousal happens more slowly and women may jump to the conclusion that something's wrong when it's not, says Monica Rodriguez of the Sexuality and Education Council of the United States.

TIPS: Lubricants can help you reach orgasm faster, says OB/GYN Jean C. Hundley, M.D. Exercises such as yoga and Pilates can also help boost desire and orgasm.

"SEX IS PEACEFUL AND COMPLETE." -Jodi, 42

When I was younger, I had an insecure, twisted idea of who of your life. Now imagine I was and who I was supposed to be as a woman. As a baby, an accident left me blind and deaf for two years and left permanent scar tissue by my scalp. Other kids teased me and told me I was ugly. Being beautiful, loved, and desirable became really important. I went into modeling and hid the scars with my hair, because I thought it would make me feel more secure if I could prove I was attractive. But I still lacked confidence. Then I thought the perfect relationship would make everything right--I stopped like a deer in headlights for any seemingly interested man. In my late 30s, I married a physically beautiful man. We were very attracted to each other and had great sex. But when I told him I was pregnant, he walked out on me, and he took my money with him. I decided to step up to the plate. I looked up a job contact I had met only once and threw myself into designing a gym for his company. It was a success, and by the time I turned 40, I finally felt financially and emotionally secure. I'd proved that I could care for my daughter and myself on my own. I validated myself, and that was sexy. Now, my sexuality isn't based on some one else's approval or my looks.

My confidence makes me feel so much more sexual today than I was five years ago. My ex-husband and I had intense and unbelievable sex, but we didn't communicate properly or spend quality time together. Now, I understand that being with someone who understands you changes sex drastically.

The sex isn't that ravenous, animalistic kind; it's on a deeper level, and it is more peaceful and complete. Don't get me wrong: I still like insane, rip-off-your-clothes sex. But I don't think it lasts; it's a fantasy you create. What's important to me now is waking up next to someone I really like, not someone who just looks good.


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