5 Horrible Life Lessons from 'Game of Thrones': Season 5, Episode 8

Winter is, uh, here.

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Helen Sloan/HBO

1. Don't ever admit you're wrong, even if that means getting slapped with a wooden spoon. You'll be fine.

What Happened: In an effort to force a confession from Cersei Lannister, the High Sparrow's friendly nun deprived the queen mother of water and Crest whitening toothpaste. On top of that, she kept whacking her with a spoon. Cersei refused to fess up.

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The Lesson: So what if you're guilty of some bad stuff (like, say, murder and incest)? It's nobody else's business. Plus, who needs water anyway?

2. Oyster merchant = best disguise ever.

What Happened: To serve the Many-Faced God, Arya Stark assumed the guise of Lana: expert oyster salesperson. For her first assignment, she masterfully investigated a really exciting case of insurance fraud.

The Lesson: Oyster merchants are incredibly underrated alter egos. Have you ever met an oyster merchant and never in a million years suspected that they were anything more than an oyster merchant? Thought so.

3. Grab someone by the head and berate them until they give you answers.

What Happened: Sansa Stark caught Theon/Reek slipping up when describing how he killed "those boys." After yelling at him for a bit, he told her some hopeful news: turns out he only murdered a couple of random farm boys—brothers Bran and Rickon Stark are still alive!

The Lesson: Someone refusing to tell you the truth? Leave the wooden spoon at home, and break that person down the old-fashioned way: lots and lots of yelling.

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4. If you're not interested, don't just friend-zone him—banish the poor sap.

What Happened: After rotting in friend-zone hell for multiple seasons, Ser Jorah Mormont was exiled by Daenerys Targaryen...again. Apparently, the best gift of all time (Tyrion!) just isn't enough to make up for treason.

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The Lesson: Who cares if he's your most devoted follower? Make your feelings clear by banishing him and breaking his heart.

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5. When up against a small army of undead children, just give up.

What Happened: While battling the Night's King's army at Hardhome, the wildling's chieftess kicked ass—until she encountered a pack of zombie kids. As soon as she saw them, she was like, "Oh heeeellllll no," and stopped fighting altogether.

The Lesson: Undead or not, fighting elementary-school kids is just messed up. Save yourself a lifetime of emotional trauma, and just let them tear you apart. But don't worry, you'll be reanimated as a member of the blue-eyed White Walker army! Life goes on.

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