Due to my lack of networking with women, I've painted myself as "non-dating" material. I didn't think anything made one guy more "dateable" than another. (opens in new tab) I figured there was someone out there for everyone, and I'd just keep acting like myself until I found someone I meshed with.
In my opinion, the best chance to meet someone is through a friend. In all of my friendship circles, I've been labeled as "undateable". So, now I'm trying to figure out just what dating material is.
I'm "undateable" because:
I Like To Be The Center of Attention
When we are out, I tend to dominate conversation and tell outlandish stories. I'm not rude about it, but it certainly alters the dynamic of groups and couples. That person at the center of attention can be intimidating or they put off those women who like to be the center of attention. By dominating the conversation I appear to be a bad listener.
I'm Too Spastic
Sense of humor is supposed to be attractive, but apparently some of my brands of humor don't cut it. I love to dance...but I can't dance. Uncorking the River Dance, or a late 80's rap move doesn't get me anywhere. Also, I employ semi-gay "summoning power from the Heavens" Celine-Dion-like hand gestures. (opens in new tab)
When I've had a little too much to drink, I take to "free styling" inanimate objects in the street by approaching those objects and ad-libbing a feminine gymnastic move off of them. I'm also very loud when telling jokes and stories.
You Know All About Me In The First Five Minutes
Within the first five minutes of meeting me, you most likely know one or all of the following: I once was afraid I had crabs (I swear I didn't have them) (opens in new tab), my GPA at University of Delaware was 2.3, I'm bad with finances (opens in new tab), I'm lazy, I don't like responsibility (opens in new tab),I have cats, etc. (opens in new tab) It's not only TMI, it's WKI (the Wrong Kind of Information). The information I share may be entertaining, but I should save it for later when I've already established that I'm semi-normal. TMI/WKI strips me of my mystery.
I've Been Single For A Long Time
You know how people brag about their work experience: "been in the business for twenty years"? You think, wow that person must be great at what they do. They were born to be in that business. Well, I've been single for a long, long time. Women in our friendship circle must think: "he was born to be single" (opens in new tab)...and "he must have been single ever since I've known him for a reason".
I'm lacking "maturity" and/or "mystery". These are two things women look for in a guy, and I don't have them-and I'm not even doing a good job faking it. This explains why I try for younger women, but even younger women think I'm immature at times.
My friends tell me that I should treat every girl as if she's a dating possibility. According to my "He Went to Jared" theory (opens in new tab), women love to talk to one another about their boyfriends. I doubt many women would want to go to their friends and say:
"My boyfriend is so cute (opens in new tab)-he river-dances and tells bathroom humor jokes. Then, on our way home, he bounces off trashcans and mailboxes like Mary Lou Retton."
I suppose this is like professional networking: I shouldn't burn any bridges. I'd never get a job if I was perceived as a freak by an entire job industry based on my behavior at industry events and previous employers. But being a freak is fun, (opens in new tab) so I'm not quite sure what the solution is.
My friend Margaret told me to employ her mom's advice to make sure I apply the charm to every girl I meet, including "just friends" (opens in new tab), and women I'm not attracted to:
"Be nice to the short guys because they have tall friends."
What makes a guy more "dateable" or "undateable" to you? What do you think my biggest issues are and how should I adjust to become a "dateable" guy? Is it possible to change opinion once I've been marked as "undateable?"
Please follow my Twitter: twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)
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