By now, we know that I tend to go for unavailable women. In addition to the old "I have a boyfriend," there are other ways for women to be unavailable. Believe me, I'm an expert on these types of women.
I created a list of the types of unavailable women out there. You'll see there's quite a range:
I Have a Boyfriend
I can understand a woman staying with a great guy, but so many women stay with losers. I've gone for many girls who stay with a jerk who cheats on them, thinking they'll opt for me as the nicer guy. I should probably just shut off my attraction when I find out a girl has a boyfriend. But when I hear that he doesn't treat her well, or he cheats on her, or her friends all tell me they want her to break up with him, I think of myself as a savior who could sweep her off her feet and show her what it's like to be with a nice guy. But it never works that way.
I'm Out of Your League
Whether it's true or not, we all do it: when someone's interested in us, sometimes we think we can do better. If we are fixated on a "god" or "goddess" we might miss something great right under our nose. If a girl thinks she can do better than me, even before she gets to know me, there's not much I can do. Of course, maybe she knows I'm lazy, I have cats, and I'm afraid to commit just by looking at me.
I'm in Another Town
Long distance is challenging and usually not worth the drama. But I've been into girls who live in other towns in my past. I'm guilty of sending emails, gifts, and trying to start relationships from remote locations. It's tough to start something up from far away when you can't go on dates or go over to each other's place for a movie.
My Last Relationship Destroyed Me
People have to recover from the pain of past relationships. So, it doesn't matter how great I am if she's in recovery mode. She has to get through it at her own pace before she's emotionally available.
I Don't Want a Boyfriend
Just like men don't commit, women sometimes don't want to get in to anything too serious. When a situation gets to the critical point with a girl who doesn't want a boyfriend she just tells me it's best to "remain friends."
I Am into Someone Else
Even if a girl is into another guy, I play the percentages: 90% chance that he's a jerk or does something stupid or inconsiderate. So, it doesn't necessarily deter me when I find out a girl likes another guy. But I forget, regardless of how great or bad the other guy is, if a girl likes him she probably has tunnel vision.
I Only Date a Certain Type...and It's Not You, Rich Santos
I might be too cool for some, too geeky for others. Or, her friends tell me she "only dates investment bankers" for example. Whatever the case, some women just go for a certain type and if I don't fit that type, then there's no chance she'll be available to me. That doesn't stop me from trying to change her preferences.
I often go for girls with built-in excuses to protect myself. So I can say: "I didn't fail. She had a boyfriend anyway." Combined with my habit of not trying my hardest (so I can say my failure isn't based on trying my best), my habit of going for unavailable women has kept me single for a long time. Just like any bad habit or train of thought, it's a cycle that I have to commit to breaking.
What types of unavailable men do you find? Are they too into their work or their friends? Do you find that you go for unavailable men, or can you resist when you see that they are not available? What are your thoughts on my list above?
Prince Harry's Ex Chelsy Davy Just Got Married, Reportedly
She and Sam Cutmore-Scott share baby son Leo.
By Iris Goldsztajn
Prince Harry Is Worried About Archie and Lili Experiencing the "Online Harm" That Is Currently "Normalized"
He says the internet needs to change dramatically.
By Iris Goldsztajn
Prince William Sent a Heartfelt Message to British Soccer Player Who Came Out as Gay
Jake Daniels' decision will make such a huge difference.
By Iris Goldsztajn
30 Female-Friendly Porn Websites for Any Mood
All the best websites, right this way.
By Kayleigh Roberts
70 Cheap Date Ideas for Couples on a Budget
"Love don't cost a thing." —J.Lo
By The Editors
The 50 Best Vibrators, According to Sex Toy Experts
The most trusted source in feelin' yourself.
By Alanna Greco
Diary of a Non-Monogamist
Rachel Krantz, author of the new book 'Open,' shares the ups and downs of her journey into the world of open relationships.
By Abigail Pesta
The 16 Best Sex Games to Spice Up Date Night With
Game night, but make it hot.
By The Editors
71 Fun Date Ideas for 2022
Skip the old "dinner and a movie" for something original.
By Katherine J Igoe
COVID Forced My Polyamorous Marriage to Become Monogamous
For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.
By Melanie LaForce
Four Flirting Fun Facts--With Research to Back Them Up!
My pal Judy Dutton just wrote an excellent new book: How We Do It: How the Science of Sex Can Make You a Better Lover. She's chatted with me about the psychological studies that show how best to flirt; what kind of pick-up lines work best; and what you're really saying with your body language.
By Maura Kelly