By now, we know that I tend to go for unavailable women (opens in new tab). In addition to the old "I have a boyfriend," there are other ways for women to be unavailable. Believe me, I'm an expert on these types of women (opens in new tab).
I created a list of the types of unavailable women out there. You'll see there's quite a range:
I Have a Boyfriend
I can understand a woman staying with a great guy, but so many women stay with losers. I've gone for many girls who stay with a jerk who cheats on them (opens in new tab), thinking they'll opt for me as the nicer guy. I should probably just shut off my attraction when I find out a girl has a boyfriend. But when I hear that he doesn't treat her well (opens in new tab), or he cheats on her (opens in new tab), or her friends all tell me they want her to break up with him (opens in new tab), I think of myself as a savior who could sweep her off her feet (opens in new tab) and show her what it's like to be with a nice guy (opens in new tab). But it never works that way.
I'm Out of Your League
Whether it's true or not, we all do it: when someone's interested in us, sometimes we think we can do better. If we are fixated on a "god" or "goddess" (opens in new tab) we might miss something great right under our nose (opens in new tab). If a girl thinks she can do better than me, even before she gets to know me, there's not much I can do. Of course, maybe she knows I'm lazy, I have cats, and I'm afraid to commit (opens in new tab) just by looking at me.
I'm in Another Town
Long distance is challenging and usually not worth the drama (opens in new tab). But I've been into girls who live in other towns in my past. I'm guilty of sending emails, gifts, and trying to start relationships from remote locations. It's tough to start something up from far away when you can't go on dates (opens in new tab) or go over to each other's place for a movie.
My Last Relationship Destroyed Me
People have to recover from the pain of past relationships. So, it doesn't matter how great I am if she's in recovery mode. She has to get through it at her own pace before she's emotionally available (opens in new tab).
I Don't Want a Boyfriend
Just like men don't commit, women sometimes don't want to get in to anything too serious. When a situation gets to the critical point with a girl who doesn't want a boyfriend she just tells me it's best to "remain friends." (opens in new tab)
I Am into Someone Else
Even if a girl is into another guy, I play the percentages: 90% chance that he's a jerk (opens in new tab) or does something stupid or inconsiderate. So, it doesn't necessarily deter me when I find out a girl likes another guy. But I forget, regardless of how great or bad the other guy is, if a girl likes him she probably has tunnel vision.
I Only Date a Certain Type...and It's Not You, Rich Santos
I might be too cool for some, too geeky for others (opens in new tab). Or, her friends tell me she "only dates investment bankers" for example. Whatever the case, some women just go for a certain type and if I don't fit that type, then there's no chance she'll be available to me. That doesn't stop me from trying to change her preferences (opens in new tab).
I'm Insane
Whether it's a little baggage (opens in new tab) or certifiable insanity, it's nearly impossible to get through to someone who isn't thinking clearly. My habit of pursuing insane women (opens in new tab) is quite unhealthy.
I often go for girls with built-in excuses to protect myself. So I can say: "I didn't fail. She had a boyfriend anyway." Combined with my habit of not trying my hardest (so I can say my failure isn't based on trying my best) (opens in new tab), my habit of going for unavailable women has kept me single for a long time (opens in new tab). Just like any bad habit or train of thought, it's a cycle that I have to commit to breaking.
What types of unavailable men do you find? Are they too into their work or their friends? Do you find that you go for unavailable men, or can you resist when you see that they are not available? What are your thoughts on my list above?
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