The reason there's so much discussion about dating is because it's a tough endeavor, especially for guys. The chances of finding someone compatible that you also find attractive are low, (opens in new tab)and the chances of something going wrong are high.
Also, once you find this person, you both have to overcome your issues to make it work. And, if you're like me, you've got many, many, many issues. (opens in new tab)
Here are tough things about being in a relationship:
Letting go/Moving on
Many more of our relationships fail than succeed. And with each failed relationship, the breakup process begins. (opens in new tab) One of the most difficult parts of the breakup process is letting go of your ex and moving on. Knowing this might be forced upon you at some point, maybe it's safer to avoid getting too close to someone.
Letting Yourself Love Someone
Falling in love is risky and overwhelming-yeah, I'm a drama queen. (opens in new tab)Loving someone, especially at first, is difficult. It's scary to open up and make yourself vulnerable by loving someone, especially if you've been hurt in the past.
Dealing With Someone Loving You
I struggle with this one a lot: I just can't bring myself to believe that I'm deserving and capable of being loved. My family did an exceptional job raising me, and I had a happy childhood. But, perhaps I'm still holding on to the rejection of when my father left our house for a while when my parents separated, even though they eventually got back together. Whatever the reason, I tend to ask for women to go over the top when showing they are in to me, (opens in new tab) and this can get tiring for them.
Thinking Rationally
Whether things are going well or poorly, it's so hard to think rationally. Do you read into every little thing that is said and done and blow it out of proportion? The imagination is a good friend when it helps you creatively keep the relationship fresh and exciting. But the imagination is an enemy when it creates ideas and thoughts that are not realistic and detrimental to your well-being in a relationship.
Breaking Up With Someone
It's at least as hard to dump someone as it is to get dumped. (opens in new tab) There's so much guilt and pain involved. Usually, when you get into a relationship (you're not thinking about it but) there's a breakup down the line...just like every life includes death (wow, that's depressing).
Keeping A Spark
As a relationship continues, it flattens out to an extent. Gone are the days when you're a little giddy, wondering what's going to happen. There's nothing wrong with being on more solid ground, but keeping the spark alive throughout the relationship is key to keeping it healthy and happy. (opens in new tab) Couples struggle with this, especially as they settle in to married life and their energy turns to making money and raising kids. Sometimes the good of the relationship is put on hold temporarily to make ends meet.
Committing
We all know guys have trouble committing, and sometimes women do too. (opens in new tab)Commitment is the first big risk in a serious relationship, and there are so many reasons to hold us back. (opens in new tab)
Remaining Faithful
Part of the committing issue is that people tend to want variety and freedom to meet others as long as possible. Remaining faithful is a challenge because of human nature-even in marriage. (opens in new tab)
Being Satisfied In Life
I've spoken to married people who told me they put other dreams/wishes on hold to raise a family and settle down. How easy is it to keep everything at optimum satisfaction level: job, love life, home life, spirituality, etc? What we usually get is something that looks like a mixing board: certain things are high satisfaction, some things are dialed down in order to make those certain things higher. For the good of the relationship, you sometimes have to sacrifice other parts of your life: living in a new town, (opens in new tab)taking risks financially and professionally, etc.
Working At It
Even great musicians and athletes blessed with natural talent have to work to master their craft. Relationships are no different. Even if you're a natural fit, you both have to work on it. In a perfect world, it would be effortless, but it's never like that.
What are your thoughts on my list, and what would you add to the list: what is the toughest thing about being in a relationship, and why?
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)
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