Why We Didn't Share Our Number
The age-old "How many people have you slept with?" conversation.

Numbers can mean so many different things. They can be symbolic of your birthdate, a good luck charm, or a trendy wedding date (this year it's 12/13/14). Some numbers, however, can ultimately lead to the demise of a very good thing—like your relationship. I'm talking about the number of sexual partners you've had (opens in new tab). At one point or another in a relationship the topic rears its ugly head and one person (not so) casually asks, "So, what's your number?" They've clearly been thinking about it and want to know if they should place you in a modest range, or shame you as a harlot. And where exactly is that fine number line?
As part of getting to know someone, you inquisitively want to know about their past relationships. How many long-term relationships have they had? Why did they end? Basically, trying to tally up in your head the number of his sexual partners. And when you both finally decide to share your number, is it really the true number? Probably not. Men are, by nature, promiscuous as their genetics urges them to spread their proverbial seed (gross). And, we've all heard that guys overestimate their number while women tend to underestimate theirs (see slut-shaming). So, if inquiring about their number is going to result in a fib, why ask? Furthermore, why lie? Perhaps you feel that your number is big, or not rightly justified—you had 3 major relationships, that one guy you dated for 6 months, a handful of 2-4 month affairs, and what's-his-name in Cancun over spring break back in college. That's 10 right there. Either way, you can't really be sure that the other person is being honest for whatever insecurity issues they're dealing with, and that can result in trust issues.
When I started to date my now husband, we both agreed to never share our number. It wasn't important in how we felt towards each other and we didn't ever want to question whether the other person was being honest about it. Not because we both thought the other was going to lie, but it was more about what that number meant in the grand scheme of our relationship—nothing. So if it wasn't going to be a big deal, why wouldn't we share? Honestly, if he had told me early on in our relationship what his number was, it may have skewed my judgment about his true feelings toward me. If he'd been with a lot of women, perhaps I'm just another notch on his belt. If he hadn't been with enough, was he going to suck in bed? Now, what once would have been a "major" conversation just feels so ridiculous to even talk about. Who cares if he's been with 5, 10, 20, a ballpark of women prior to me...I'm the one married to him.
Related:
I Went Out on 157 First Dates (opens in new tab)
How to Be The Best Sex He's Ever Had (opens in new tab)
8 Things He's Thinking But Won't Say Out Loud (opens in new tab)
10 Things Guys Hope You'll Say On A First Date (opens in new tab)
Photo Credit: Getty Images
-
'The Umbrella Academy' Season 4: Everything We Know
Including what could come next after that cliffhanger finale.
By Quinci LeGardye
-
The 22 Best Korean Romance Movies Ever Made
They'll shatter your heart, then put it back together again.
By Marina Liao
-
All of the Best Fourth of July Fashion Sales
Let the savings begin.
By Julia Marzovilla
-
30 Female-Friendly Porn Websites for Any Mood
All the best websites, right this way.
By Kayleigh Roberts
-
70 Cheap Date Ideas for Couples on a Budget
"Love don't cost a thing." —J.Lo
By The Editors
-
The 50 Best Vibrators, According to Sex Toy Experts
The most trusted source in feelin' yourself.
By Alanna Greco
-
Diary of a Non-Monogamist
Rachel Krantz, author of the new book 'Open,' shares the ups and downs of her journey into the world of open relationships.
By Abigail Pesta
-
The 16 Best Sex Games to Spice Up Date Night With
Game night, but make it hot.
By The Editors
-
71 Fun Date Ideas for 2022
Skip the old "dinner and a movie" for something original.
By Katherine J Igoe
-
COVID Forced My Polyamorous Marriage to Become Monogamous
For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.
By Melanie LaForce
-
100 Sex Songs That Won't Make You Cringe
Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.
By The Editors