What Makes A Guy Creepy?

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My friend Margaret once met a guy who told her two pieces of info: his first name and where he attended college. Through a bit of research, she found a mutual friend. This mutual friend told Margaret the guy's last name. Armed with the guy's full name, Margaret added him on Facebook, uninvited, planning to enjoy a laugh with him over her creepy Facebook move.

...he never added her back.

I hear women call guys "creepy" for so many reasons:

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"He likes the Jonas Brothers." Creepy.

"He wore a cable knit sweater." Creepy.

"He held the door for me too many times." Creepy.

I'm no expert on creepiness, but I do know that it is a universal deal breaker. Hopefully, you can help me complete the following list of all things creepy:

Too Far, Too Fast

I hear my friends say: "he barely knew me and he did X, Y, or Z-that's really creepy." It's the guy who introduces you to his parents one week in. It's imperative to know when it's too soon to do something in a relationship. The things on the list below are creepy, but even creepier when you barely know someone.

Keeping Tabs

Acting like a parole officer is never a good idea. Ever get the feeling that if certain exes could have installed GPS on you, they would have? The Tabs Keeper usually says something like this to you: "Hey, you didn't call me back. Where have you been? Why didn't you call me back right away?"

Touchy Feely

Some guys think they are entitled to invade a woman's personal space just because they are on a date. It's amazing how many guys put their hands all over women, uninvited, considering how creepy it is.

Complimenting Body Parts

By "body parts" I don't mean eyes or hair. There are some body parts that should be considered off limits. Even though they know it's wrong, some guys can't avoid complimenting a woman's boobs. Guys should adhere to this rule: "If you can't completely see a part of a woman's body, don't compliment on it".

In The Know

Isn't it scary when someone knows all about you before you divulge much information? Because of sites like MySpace and Facebook, it's easy to learn about someone on your own. I think we are all guilty of "researching" love interests on Facebook, but it's best to play dumb until it's reasonable that you'd know info through a mutual friend or through that love interest directly.

Stalking

The Inernet is a useful tool for stalking, but the timeless old school method of materializing wherever someone goes is still alive and well.

Dirty Talk

When dirty talk goes awry while things are hot and heavy, the record scratches, and it ruins the mood.

Staring

There are two types of staring: macro staring and micro staring. Macro staring is staring at the entire package: he looks you up and down, undresses you with his eyes, and you feel like you're in an old mansion with one of those portraits of the scary old man whose eyes follow you wherever you go. Then there's micro staring which means he fixates on a particular area on your body- basically, the guy who constantly stares at your cleavage.

Strange Hobbies/Obessions

Maybe it's the guy who saw Harry Potter in the theater...dressed as Harry Potter. Then there are things that carry a stigma like guys who play Dungeons & Dragons or Doom. Margaret dated a guy who collected Boy Scout badges; he actually made her look at his giant book of Boy Scout badges. And she continued dating him. There are so many things wrong with that story. But I'm no saint when it comes to strange hobbies: I collected rocks and stamps.

Too Close To Mom

Alfred Hitchcock illustrated the creepy mama's boy in his 1960 thriller "Psycho". Ever since then we've worried that, if someone is too close to mom, we might see his/her silhouette outside our shower.

Apartment Curiosities

If you go to a guy's place and it rivals a carnival sideshow with items such as organisms preserved in formaldehyde, strange animal heads on the wall, or a voodoo doll that looks a little too much like you, you might want to beat a hasty retreat. I'm teetering on the edge of creepy with my basil plant and indoor sun light bulb in my living room. But I'm growing it because no market sells just a few basil leaves. Instead they sell a giant bush of basil (99% of which is wasted). I have a legit reason, so I'm totally innocent, right?

Do you agree with my creepy list? What would you add to it? Is creepiness a deal breaker?

Follow me on Twitter:

twitter.com/richravens

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