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A Deal Breaker In Atlantic City

A Deal Breaker In Atlantic City

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GodfatherFor my buddy's bachelor party, I booked rooms at the lavish Caesars Atlantic City. Our plan included "Dusk," the club where the late DJ AM presided over the tunes.

Upon arrival, I was immediately impressed by the bathroom. Men don't usually comment on this room, but I couldn't help but appreciate a TV in the bathroom mirror in our room at Caesars! TVs impress guys, but TVs in unusual places really impress guys. We each showered with no break in conversation about a football game that was on in the main room.

Later on that evening, my habit of getting lost actually helped me for once. I was too drunk, too fast, and got separated.

I was at the casino bar when I saw four girls coming down the aisle between the glowing slots. There are a handful of women that I'll always remember their beauty, and the moment I saw them. These girls were of that class. They seemed to be approaching in slow motion. A haywire symphony played in my head resembling the arcade-like bells and rings of the slot machines.

Sadly, all I had in my pocket was a crumpled up $5. I was feeling lucky though so I crammed in at the machine next to the girls after they began playing. But my machine kept spitting out my $5, and each time I tried harder and harder to smooth it out. The girls noticed the activity and smirked. This was getting embarrassing. But then, success: one of the girls offered her machine to to see if it would take my $5. Amazing what you can do with a too-wrinkled $5 bill in Atlantic City!

It turns out these four Italian girls from Staten Island were staying at another hotel. I knew about Staten Island long ago. I once approached my Bio teacher who was from Staten Island and said:

"They like to fight in Staten Island."

He replied: "Yes, they do like to fight in Staten Island."

Ever since then, I have envisioned Staten Island much like colonial Australia, when they used to banish convicts there. The Staten Island girls mentioned they were on the VIP list at Dusk because their uncle was a "friend of the casino." I convinced myself the Uncle was The Godfather, sitting in a dark/smoky room somewhere with a legion of scary guys that could toss me in the river if I so much as said "hello" to his beloved niece. But, hey, if I married into The Family, maybe there would be some benefits. First, I had to get over the the girls' obnoxious NYC/Staten Island accents. I thought they were just kidding with it at first:

"Yeah, I wuk on Thuh-ty-fawth and Brawd-way," and so on. I love Southern, I love Midwest, but for some reason that hardcore NYC accent reminds me of a construction worker that could kick my butt. But their cuteness was undeniable.

We hit the dance floor at Dusk. Dusk was great because it offered two choices: dance, or stand on the side and be entertained by dancers. Later in the evening, I invented a third choice: get kicked off the dance floor's "stripper pole" by the bouncer because no one wants to see a guy up there.

I made my move on Staten Island. Knowing that my hotel room was much cooler than, well, me, I told her: "There's a TV in the mirror in my bathroom. You should come up and check it out." She accepted, but success was short lived. Staten Island's friend intervened and said: "she has a boyfriend," and whisked her away. Now she lives on in the Super Hot Girl Folklore file of my memory. Maybe it was for the best; that boyfriend definitely could have dumped me in the river.

Atlantic City was a great bachelor party destination because there were so many bachelorette parties there, and lots to do. Meanwhile, I learned a few things about deal breakers:

Staten Island's accent (and my unfair Mafia/Staten Island assumptions) was a shallow deal breaker. But I relied on shallow things, like how cute she was, to get over the deal breaker. So, it's tough to avoid being slightly shallow in those first moments of meeting people- it's the most judgmental time. And, on an even more shallow note, winning $210 on the Blackjack table made me ten times happier than I would have been if Staten Island had come up to my room.

What's the most shallow deal breaker or assumption that's ever bothered you? Have you ever used shallow reasons to get over a deal breaker? Do you flirt with boundaries while you have a boyfriend, like Staten Island did?

Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens

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