Sarah Hyland Bravely Opens Up About Thoughts of Suicide

Modern Family actress Sarah Hyland has been honest about her lifelong chronic illness (kidney dysplasia), as well as the support she's gotten from her family, friends, and boyfriend Wells Adams. Hyland says she was very close to not making it through the toughest time in her life.

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Modern Family actress Sarah Hyland has been refreshingly candid about her lifelong chronic illness (kidney dysplasia), as well as the support she's gotten from her family, friends, and boyfriend Wells Adams. Her bravery and transparency, in turn, have inspired others who are suffering. But on The Ellen DeGeneres ShowHyland says she was very close to not making it through the toughest time in her life.

She was "very, very, very close" to suicide, Hyland told DeGeneres. "After 26/27 years of just always being sick and being in chronic pain every single day and you don’t know when you’re going to have the next good day, it’s really, really hard,” she said. She even wrote mental letters to her loved ones, explaining "why I did it and my reasoning behind it, how it was nobody’s fault."

But saying it out loud to a close friend really helped after she'd "kept it to myself for months and months at a time," she said. "Saying it out loud really, really makes it sound almost ridiculous and it puts it into perspective."

"It ended up being myself that got me out of that,” she added. "I had to do it on my own. I told myself I had to do it on my own." Hyland made sure to say she doesn't speak for everyone harboring such thoughts, and that everyone is different.

It's not the first time Hyland has bravely spoken out about her mental health struggles. In an interview with Self late last year, she explained:

When a family member gives you a second chance at life, and it fails, it almost feels like it's your fault. It's not. But it does...For a long time, I was contemplating suicide, because I didn't want to fail my little brother like I failed my dad.

She added: ""For anybody that wants to reach out to somebody but doesn't really know how because they're too proud or they think that they'll be looked upon as weak, it's not a shameful thing to say. It's not a shameful thing to share."

These days, Hyland is feeling better physically, particularly after her second kidney transplant. Judging by Adams' Instagram, her life is also looking much better these days...and so is his.

Once you see what he's really talking about, it's adorable.

If you or anyone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK).

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Katherine J. Igoe

Katherine’s a Boston-based contributor at Marie Claire who covers fashion, culture, and lifestyle—from “Clueless” to Everlane to news about Lizzo. She’s been a freelancer for 11 years and has had roles with Cosmopolitan and Bustle, with bylines in Parents, Seventeen, and elsewhere. It’s “I go to dinner,” not “Her huge ego,” but she responds to both.