Kristen Stewart graced the cover of Marie Claire this August, and opened up to writer Allison Glock about the hellish few years she had under the Twilight microscope. Check out 8 much-needed doses of real talk from the star of American Ultra, out this weekend.
1. She lived through the tabloid circus, and won't take it anymore.
"The public kind of burned me at the stake. But that's OK, I can take it. I'm not dead."
2. When she was younger, anxiety dominated her life.
"Between ages 15 and 20, it was really intense. I was constantly anxious. I was kind of a control freak. If I didn't know how something was going to turn out, I would make myself ill, or just be locked up or inhibited in a way that was really debilitating."
3. But now, she's taking matters into her own hands and not caring one bit what people think.
"I lit my universe on fire, and I watched it burn. Speaking very candidly, it was a really traumatic period in my early 20s that kick-started something in me that was a bit more…feral."
4. She refuses to say "sorry" when she doesn't mean it.
"Lately, I've been doing less of the [assumes whiny cry voice] 'I'm sooooo sorry.' And more of the [drops several octaves] 'No. Fuck. Jesus.'"
5. Being a gorgeous actress doesn't make her exempt from feeling down.
"So many people say, 'Oh, it must have been so easy for you.' You think because I'm an actor that I didn't have a normal progression of self-hatred?"
6. A simple haircut worked wonders for her self-esteem.
"My hair was such a crutch. I looked quote unquote 'sexy' no matter what. I could hide behind it. As soon as I didn't have all that hair, I had to let my face hang out. I felt more confident than I had in a really long time. And it felt really good. It was like not having your iPhone for a couple months. It was the same feeling of release. It sounds so obvious, but it's like the hair really did make me feel like a 'real girl.' Like I'm pretty, I'm feminine. I don't know why I valued that so much, as if that's something to prove."
7. But men (sigh) keep giving her crap about heir short locks.
"Every single guy in my life, men that I respect," she says, pointing to her extensions, "are telling me, 'God, Kristen, you look great right now.' It's like, Wow. Maybe to most people long hair is prettier. But then what? Is your main goal in life to be desired? That is boring as fuck."
8. Costar Jesse Eisenberg is a feminist ally and won't take any BS thrown her way.
"Kristen is more self-aware than most people you'll meet, regardless of age," he says. "She's in a profession where you are made to question yourself, women more than men. She's always been very intuitive. We share a dismissal of pretentiousness. And we both take what we do very seriously."