We're less than a day away from the season 8 premiere of HBO's Game of Thrones, and fans literally cannot wait. Although we're fully aware that all six episodes of this final season will likely leave us in shambles, we're also just really excited to be reunited with our comrades and most-hated enemies in Westeros—hi, Cersei!
After eight years of gory battles, steamy sex, and a little dark magic, winter is finally upon us. How did we get to this point? You may have been so busy obsessing over wild fan theories about who will win the game of thrones that you forgot why things are especially dire in Westeros at the moment, but no worries. Here's your Game of Thrones season 7 refresher, right up to that fateful moment.
* Spoilers for Season 7 Ahead, Obviously *
The season opens up with Walder Frey, who should be dead because Arya definitely killed him. The gag is that it's really Arya wearing Frey's face, and she's poisoned the wine that almost everyone in House Frey just downed as her last act of revenge for the Red Wedding. Once the job's done, the girl with no name continues on her warpath, and she tells a group of soldiers (and Ed Sheeran?) that Cersei and her bad wig are next on her hit list. But first, she heads home to Winterfell and reunites with the rest of the Stark siblings.
In Winterfell, things are a little weird between the Stark kids; Bran isn't really Bran anymore (and as the Three-Eyed Raven, he's not a lot of fun), and thanks to Littlefinger's meddling, Arya and Sansa are beefing. The sisters eventually team up and FINALLY get rid of Lord Baelish. Bran has a vision in which he finds out that Rhaegar Targaryen and their aunt Lyanna Stark secretly eloped, and Lyanna later gave birth to a the rightful heir of the Iron Thone. His name? Aegon, aka Jon Snow, who obviously knows nothing.
Jon's bestie Samwell Tarly is interning at the Citadel, and like most internships, the position involves low wages and long hours. When he's not doing grunt work, Sam is catching up on his reading, and he learns that dragonglass can be used to kill White Walkers. Oh, and he cures Ser Jorah's of greyscale by literally scraping his scabs off. Tired of not being taken seriously, Sam leaves the Citadel with his family and heads North to help Jon and the rest of the gang.
Daenarys has gathered a group of allies in her hometown of Dragonstone and is preparing her next move on Casterly Rock, the home of the Lannisters. When her plans are foiled by the likes of Euron Greyjoy and Jaime Lannister, the mother of dragons meets Jon Snow/Aegon for the first time. To her frustration, Jon doesn't bend the knee, but Dany still gives his men the green light to mine the land for dragonglass. The two catch a ~vibe~, and Jon even gets close enough to touch one of Dany's dragons without being barbecued alive—maybe the dragons can tell who he really is.
The gang needs a plan to get the south on their side. They decide to capture a wight and take it to King's Landing as evidence, so they send out a group for the mission. Unfortunately, the men are attacked by the wights, and Daenarys and her dragons pull up to help. Big mistake: the Night King is there waiting for them, and he hurls a magic spear into Viserion's side. Fatally wounded, the dragon is now the property of the Night King. At least they captured a wight. *eye roll*
Back in King's Landing, Cersei is sitting on the throne, and her energy is very reminiscent of the Mad King. For whatever reason, she is still wearing that god-awful wig (you mean to tell me there are no hairdressers in all of Westeros?), but it's as crooked as her soul, so like...symbolism? Everyone shows up for a parlay, and when Jon does his show-and-tell bit with the wight, Cersei pretends to be properly spooked. As it turns out, she and Euron Greyjoy have already made their own plans: Let Dany and her crew take on the White Walkers and fight whoever's left with an army of hired soldiers.
At this point, Cersei deserves every bit of bad karma that is coming her way and then some. Twin/baby daddy Jaime is disgusted with how two-faced she is and heads north to team up with Jon Snow. I seriously find it hard to believe that out of all the things Cersei has done, this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Maybe he's also just tired of her dry hairpiece? Same, Jaime. Either way, Cersei's canceled! And maybe pregnant again? Sounds fake, knowing her.
Speaking of incest, that sexual tension I mentioned earlier? Yeah, it was building up to something—a #Jonaerys love scene. We've seen quite a bit of sex on Game of Thrones, but the sight of Jon getting busy with his aunt really made me squirm. I'm still not sure how I feel about this love connection, especially since the two Targaryens will ultimately have to duke it out for the Iron Throne.
Finally, in what might be the most terrifying scene in the entire series to date, newly-zombified Viserion flies towards the Wall, mounted by the Night King himself. The blue-eyed dragon breathes blue (BLUE!) fire and burns down the only thing that has protected Westeros for millennia in a matter of seconds, granting the army of the undead entrance into the Seven Kingdoms. Winter is officially here, and I have no idea what we're about to get into. Anybody else scared?
HBO has gone to great lengths to keep most of the details about the last season of Game of Thrones a secret, but from what we've heard from the cast, I think it's safe to say that we should prepare to be utterly devastated.
The final season of Game of Thrones airs April 14 on HBO.
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