Spoilers for The Bachelorette episode 8 ahead. I'm sorry, what now?? If you, like me, caught that epic line from Hannah Brown in the preview for future Bachelorette episodes, you'll note that she said she'd had sex with someone in a windmill. Twice. (Guys, I rewound, put on closed captions, and watched it again, just cuz.) Not only is this a magical moment as we watch Luke take that information like a punch in the face, but it's also an amazing, very probably unaired moment from the show. And Hannah just straight up admits it, to the camera, like a boss. So. Join me, as I investigate who the windmill-hookup could be, because I absolutely must know immediately.
Update, 7/29/19: OMG. After Peter got eliminated (weeps incoherently) Hannah came on to talk to him. It was hellaciously awkward, and the windmill, uh, situation inevitably came up. Think about it: Peter and Hannah definitively got together, and then he immediately gets sent home. Ouch. And then Hannah dropped a truth bomb to end all truth bombs on us: It wasn't twice. It was FOUR TIMES.
Uhhhhhh AMAZING. Fans lost their minds:
Chris Harrison said, "Somewhere, Luke Parker's heart just exploded." AMEN TO THAT. And now, please let us never speak of that particular situation ever again. Proud of you, Hannah!
Again, I feel a little bad for Peter in this situation (that must have been quite the turnaround, to go from windmill to exit limo) but honestly, since a lot of people want him to be The Bachelor, that might only help his chances. Can you imagine all the ladies who will want a windmill of their own??
Actually...windmill sex is with Peter.
Update, 7/15/19: Wait, what?? As if this season hasn't been nutty enough, Reality Steve has changed his mind about windmill sex. Specifically, he says during the "Men Tell All" episode airing on July 22 that it is revealed...drumroll please...that it's PETER. OMG.
Considering that we saw Peter with condoms in his car during his hometown date, I suppose he's ready for anything, anywhere (Must be the pilot in him? Ready for any situation? Sorry, I'm terrible.). We also know that Hannah, like, made out with Peter on a pool table, as well as a whole bunch of other locations, so she's been wanting some Pilot Peter action for a while. Same questions as before: Was it their official overnight, or was it during the daytime portion of their date? Overnights are being aired tonight, so everyone be on the lookout for some windmills, is what I'm saying.
What's also interesting is what we know about Hannah's final selections—spoilers at that link. I won't reveal anything here, but based on the new windmill sex intel, I'm surprised. (Windmill sex intel: A phrase I never thought I would utter in my lifetime, but here we are.) Regardless—get it, Hannah. You're still my fave.
Original post, 7/11/19:
First of all, that quote...
Is the most epic thing to ever be uttered by a Bachelorette. And I am HERE for it.
Has it even happened yet?
The Ringer notes that there are a lot of windmills in Mykonos, which is where the show is headed for final episodes. So the windmill sex could totally still be TBD, if you know what I'm saying. Also, The Ringer thinks this is Hannah's version of the "fence jump," it's just that iconic.
But, like, looking at the odds, it's definitely not Luke (see also his "sex should be pure" conversation that gets him rightly booted from the show) so we are, maybe, down to Peter, Jed, and Tyler. She has chemistry with all three. She's climbed atop and made out with all three in various unique locations, like a pool table, massage parlor, and fishing boat. This is quite a puzzle. HANNAH. I must know!
Will it be an overnight?
Some fans think there's an overnight in a windmill? Which I think is maybe a bit of a long shot? But I would fully watch, so...
Fans want it to be Tyler.
Like, I also want it to be Tyler, but I don't think so.
Is it Jed??
I think it's Jed, thanks to some ace sleuthing from Twitter.
Oh my God, it might totally be Jed.
Reality Steve just retweeted an eagle eye sleuth who rewound like a champ for the footage.
Update: Windmill sex will be in Greece.
Ok, so everyone can pat themselves on the back, because we were apparently right about the person, Jed. However, Reality Steve has done some digging, and no, we haven't seen windmill sex yet—that was just really good and probably unintentional foreshadowing on the show's part, to put Jed and Hannah right underneath one. Also, now we know that Jed's overnight will be before Luke's.
Reality Steve, according to a source, says that windmill sex will happen in Greece—and that it likely does connect to overnights in some way. So we will know for sure exactly how it goes down in a couple weeks, and we can watch the episode with this special knowledge in mind.
Now, I have even more questions. Is that where their overnight is? Why would they choose this venue? Is windmill sex cramped—or do they have living quarters up there, like a lighthouse? Or did they go up there during the day to get away from the producers? How much are we going to see?? I really am caught up on the logistics of it all.
Wow. Hannah, I honestly don't care about all of the post-show drama you've got going on (spoilers at that link), you are my hero. Bless you for going after what you want and just crushing it. This is the moment that every single person will remember from her season. And I couldn't be prouder.
The whole thing has now been turned into a meme.
In addition to basically being the most iconic Bachelor Nation in a looooong time (it makes poor Becca's "Let's do the damn thing!" sound totally weaksauce, sorry), everyone has now officially latched on to "windmills" as the hotted Bachelor subject to talk about. Former Bachelor Nick Viall made a pun about the situation when he had lunch with Tyler C.:
And in fact, Hannah responded in the comments of the post, "Ahh yes, I highly recommend the windmill; it’s a great place for a mid-day snack."
Couple things. If Hannah is basically making a sex joke here (get it? Snack = sex!!) I love her even more. And I didn't think that was possible at this point. Also, Hannah, commenting on something Tyler C.-related: What does this meaaaaan? Probably nothing. But I love Tyler C. so I'm about to put on my tinfoil hat and speculate that it means that (despite Jed windmill sex) Hannah is destined to get with the hot model-footballer-dancer-abs.
Also, normally I might eyeroll Nick trying to latch onto the relevance of the windmill, but he actually had Hannah on his Viall Files podcast and encouraged her to speak freely about her season, so you're still cool, Nick.
Alexa, play "Windmills of Your Mind." Actually, scratch that, Alexa, play "Let's Get It On."
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