Would You Stay with a Great Guy if the Sex Was Bad?
The other day my buddy and I were sitting with his female roommate (Sarah) when she said something crazy but interesting. She's currently dating a great guy who treats her well. Her last boyfriend cheated on her and didn't treat her wel...
The other day my buddy and I were sitting with his female roommate (Sarah) when she said something crazy but interesting. She's currently dating a great guy who treats her well. Her last boyfriend cheated on her and didn't treat her well at all. So, one would think that she was in a great situation now.
However, sex with the new boyfriend hasn't been great. Meanwhile, sex with the mean boyfriend was amazing. I suppose the frustration of the lackluster sex with the new boyfriend finally got the better of her. She exclaimed:
"Man, I could really use my ex-boyfriend's dick right now."
Her statement got me thinking outside of "Wow, girls talk like guys sometimes." Here are some questions I came up with:
1. Does a good personality have a positive effect on sex?
According to this girl's statement, the answer is "no." For a while, I thought if a girl thought I was a great guy, the sex would be good, or eventually it would get good. Conversely, I figured that a guy who was once sexually attractive to a girl could do mean or hurtful things that would make him no longer sexually attractive to the girl.
But Sarah is saying she'd rather have sex with the ex despite his bad behavior. Sex with the nice guy just isn't up to snuff. Personality does figure into sexual chemistry, but there are other elements such as sexual compatibility, physical compatibility, and a (I suppose) magical undefinable animal attraction.
Stay In The Know
Select the newsletters you’d like to receive. Then, add your email to sign up.
2. Would I rather be the perfect nice boyfriend who isn't great at sex or the obnoxious ex who she still wants only for sex?
This was the most disturbing part of the discussion between my buddy and me. We agreed we would rather be in the shoes of the jerky guy. I suppose we think it's easier to be a nice guy than it is to have a girl lusting after us for sex. It's funny how guys are totally fine with being wanted just for sex, but girls are disgusted when guys want them just for sex. I think women have it right — guys are demented in their thinking sometimes.
3. Should you break up with a great guy just because the sex is bad?
When you finally find the great guy, do you hold on to him if the sex is ho-hum? Most of us would take time to work on it together, but suppose it never improves? Is sex a secondary piece of the relationship, or is it of equal importance to the rest of the pieces?
4. Is Sarah's present relationship really that great?
Sarah may not like her boyfriend that much, even though he treats her well. Instead of sitting on the couch longing for her ex-boyfriend, she should be talking openly to her current boyfriend about improving their sex life together. Bottom line: If you're longing for something else emotionally or sexually, your relationship is not healthy. Perhaps the sex would be better if Sarah was totally into her boyfriend?
5. Is it common to crave exes?
My friend and I were thinking how bad we'd feel if we knew our girlfriend was basically longing for another guy's penis. I always thought when a girl and I were right for each other, we'd forget everyone from our past — or we wouldn't have concrete thoughts about wanting them. I guess we remember past significant others as little landmark moments that we miss once in a while.
It gets complicated when we long for a particular aspect of our past relationships. So, it's natural to think about exes and want them on some level, but our current relationship is weak when we favor elements of past relationships over the present relationship. We should be out there looking for that person who hits on all cylinders.
What are your thoughts and answers on my questions above? Am I off base with any of my thoughts/conclusions?
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens
-
Taylor Swift Matches Her Versace Sandals to a 'Reputation'-Coded Bag
Swifties are convinced the pop star is preparing for a big announcement after back-to-back date nights.
By Danielle Campoamor Published
-
Rihanna Sizzles in an Opulent Lace Bodysuit and Fur Coat
"Lingerie to me should be worn anyway and anywhere that you want."
By Danielle Campoamor Published
-
King Charles Will Travel With Two Doctors During His First Royal Tour Since Cancer Diagnosis
The physicians will join the royal entourage after news broke that the monarch decided to “pause” cancer treatments while abroad.
By Danielle Campoamor Published
-
The All-Time Favorite Sex Positions of 11 Real Women
"It makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth."
By The Editors Published
-
The 22 Best Vibrators, According to Sex Toy Experts
The vibes are immaculate.
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
The 20 Best Sex Games for Couples in 2023
Who said game nights need to be wholesome?
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
The 14 Best Lubes for Every Need
Good sex should always go smoothly.
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
30 Female-Friendly Porn Websites for Any Mood
All the best websites, right this way.
By Kayleigh Roberts Published
-
The 82 Best Cheap Date Ideas for Couples on a Budget
"Love don't cost a thing." —J.Lo
By The Editors Last updated
-
Diary of a Non-Monogamist
Rachel Krantz, author of the new book 'Open,' shares the ups and downs of her journey into the world of open relationships.
By Abigail Pesta Published
-
COVID Forced My Polyamorous Marriage to Become Monogamous
For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.
By Melanie LaForce Published