The most frustrating girl advice is: "act like you don't care." (opens in new tab)
How (and why) should I act like I don't care about someone that I'm interested in?
I can understand the rationale. I'm attracted to women that are gloriously unavailable. (opens in new tab)
It is this aloofness that I strive to master. I can't seem to get the mix right: I'm either not aloof enough or (when I try to be aloof) I look uninterested.
In addition to creating "a chase," (opens in new tab) aloofness creates mystery. The person might wonder, just who (opens in new tab)is (opens in new tab)Rich Santos (opens in new tab) (even though it's clear I'm just a dumb guy who likes the Ravens,Ramen, and chicken tenders...and sleep). (opens in new tab)
My main weakness is my tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve and remain honest with my affection and intentions.
Here are some aloofness tactics I've tried:
Sending Mixed Signals
One moment, I'll be affectionate, totally paying attention to you. The next minute, I'll be a little distant.
Sending mixed signals is a timeless tactic employed by both genders. (opens in new tab)Not only does it create a riddle for the other person to solve, but giving little tastes of good vibes, mixed with a confusing vibe intrigues people.
The Classic Ignore
This one is quite immature and can be downright mean, but sometimes you just have to do it.
You don't have to be that obnoxious,but making the person long for your attention by makes it that much better for them when you actually give them that attention later on ( (opens in new tab)once you've decided the punishment has gone long enough).
Walking in to a party and talking to everyone but her, not going right over to her right away, keeps her in check and makes it look like I've got a lot going on.
Surrounding Myself with a Crowd
Holding court the middle of an impenetrable circle of cool, attractive people is intimidating, but effective. Your person of interest will want to be part of the circle. It's especially magnetic if you can keep the crowd laughing and nodding in agreement, like a politician on the campaign trail. (opens in new tab)
Putting Down Your Cool Things
Due to the fact that women like jerks, (opens in new tab) when I put down something she thinks is really cool, I have success.
I am always telling women how much I hate Lady Gaga when they trump her up, (opens in new tab) and I once told a girl she'd "never make it in New York," while she was bragging about her plans. A few weeks later, we were hooking up. I guess putting all that stuff down makes me look too cool for school.
Making Myself Look Busy
Sometimes when I text a girl that I can't meet her because of "cool social engagement A, B, or C," I'm doing so lying in bed in boxers (opens in new tab) watching Lifeteime movies before passing out. (opens in new tab)It's all about creating the image. If you use this tactic, remember not to leave a Facebook status trail saying that you're actually staying in and watching bad movies. (opens in new tab)
Sharing Occasional Deep Thoughts - AKA The Starving Artist
The occasional deep/tortured thought makes me look so distant and emotionally unavailable. Who doesn't want to try to solve that riddle?
Limiting My Attempts
After she's blown enough chances, I move on. It makes it look like I've got more going on.
I wish I didn't have to fake aloofness. It's part of the game. It's immature to employ these games, but it's also immature for men and women to be attracted to aloof people.
Shouldn't it be as simple as trying to spend time with someone you like, showing that you're available for them because they are special? I've been burned too many times doing this-perhaps it's boring because I'm "too easy".
Or maybe I'm supposed to be aloof until we are dating/committed- at which point I'll start getting in trouble for being too aloof. (opens in new tab)
Do you find it more attractive when a guy is aloof, and what do you think of my tactics above? Do you try to act aloof with guys? Why do you think aloofness is attractive-is it the thrill of the chase, or the mystery and their independent appearance?
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)
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