Some might say that great sex is based on pushing boundaries or kinkiness, but, in my not-so-expert opinion, great sex is based on tension.
I think sex is 90% anticipation, and only 10% the actual act.
Great sex requires the releasing of tension that's been carefully created, built, and simmered for a while. This can happen between two friends over six months, or between two people on a five hour date.
It's about chemistry and subtle realizations. With each minute you spend together you're creating mental and spiritual foreplay building tension before releasing it. I'm kind of "traditional," because I require some time to build the tension and get comfortable.
There are plenty of "types" of sex that turn people on. I've compiled a list, and I think it proves that tension is the ultimate spark that creates great/fun sex:
Makeup sex is the release of tension created by an argument. It appeals to humankind's masochistic side: the emotional pain of an argument, cured by the high of healing through great sex.
I wonder if people start arguments with their significant other just to set up the possibility of makeup sex. I'm so hard headed, and bent on winning, that once the arguing starts, I can't stop.
The one night stand/random encounter is much like eating McDonald's. While you're doing it, it feels amazing, but afterward you feel awful and guilty.
While a one night stand might pump up my ego, I bury myself in shame afterward, worrying about all the other consequences of the risk I took.
People get a thrill from the possibility of being caught (perhaps in an airplane bathroom), or having something go terribly wrong (like doing it on a roof, or somewhere dangerous).
I have enough to worry about during sex, so I shouldn't set myself up to worry about more.
Spontaneous sex is the "grab each other and go at it" style. Of course, this could happen anytime, anywhere, so you end up diving on to a kitchen table, for example, and going at it on a whim.
Movies set a high standard for spontaneous sex. It's a hot idea, but I'm not sure I could make it as good as they do in the movies. I'm rarely hyper focused on attraction or sex enough at random times to engage in grabbing her and going at it.
From dressing in a mascot suit, to having people watch you, to threesomes, kinky sex would be defined as anything outside the realm of normalcy. "Normalcy" is a relative term, varying from person to person, so it's complicated.
Personally, I would need to be extremely comfortable with someone to try certain things. Also, I'm way too lazy to get too kinky. The process of shopping for, and applying things (such as costumes or handcuffs) is way too much effort.
While I consider myself someone who likes to do outlandish things, I'm still struggling to get comfortable with sex. If regular sex is Algebra I, then kinky sex is Trigonometry.
For some reason, I think forbidden sex is pretty hot. Perhaps it appeals to my desire to test the boundaries and do the wrong thing from time to time.
Cheating on someone or with someone, hooking up with your best friend's ex, a co-worker, or the person that your friends and/or family don't approve of would all be considered forbidden sex. I've had a few scrapes with this, but I should stick to fantasizing. Forbidden sex is forbidden because someone, somewhere, will be hurt.
Consistent Casual Sex
Casual sex can be exciting because there are no strings attached and you can experiment because your comfort level grows with each encounter.
But I think casual sex is impossible and unhealthy, because at some point someone will care, and most likely get hurt for caring.
Some of these types can overlap. For example, you could have Spontaneous Random Forbidden Kinky Risky sex.
Almost all sex is culmination in a way, whether there's a short or long period of tension-building. The right tension building and correct timing and release of this tension is all you need.
Many of these types of sex might help in keeping a sex life spicy in long term relationships. People are constantly looking for new ways to build tension as their relationships mature. Hopefully they avoid negative ways (cheating), and focus on cultivating this tension with their significant others.
What type of sex turns you on the most? What are your thoughts on my list, and what would you add to the list? What role does tension play in good sex for you?
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens