The 10 Funniest Jokes Abbi and Ilana Have Ever Made on 'Broad City'

Yep, we narrowed 'em down.

The second episode of the third season of our beloved Broad City aired last week. YAAAS! And with the new crop of half-hour romps with Abbi and Ilana comes countless quotable, meme-able, live this life-able moments of sheer comedy genius. In honor of our two fearless heroines, we've recapped ten of their best and funniest moments—from that time Abbi was still "in the potty" to that time they lived out a Pretty Woman fantasy at a Brooklyn thrift store. It is, of course, hard to narrow Broad City's greatest moments down to only ten, but if this makes you want to re-watch seasons one and two in their entirety, well, we certainly won't blame you.

Abbi Gets Airlifted: S3, ep. 1

After a typical day of being rude, losing things, and brunch, Abbi and Ilana find themselves in a pickle that first requires a quick pee. Spotting a lone port-o-john on the West Side Highway, Abbi triumphantly declares that she will "go first." But while she's relieving herself, a tow truck airlifts the vessel leaving Abbi, mid-stream, screaming "I'm in the potty!" It's just a classic example of how bad luck (and a lack of situational ego) begets great comedy. 

The Subway Gauntlet: S2, ep. 1

Dealing with the New York City subway system can be, um, a challenge. Glazer and Jacobson exaggerate the experience of trying to get on the train and then navigate through the cars in a two-minute sequence that is easily one of the show's funniest, most observationally astute moments. There's the guy who clips his toenails, the PDAers, the OOC performers, and, of course, the subway car that smells so bad you want to puke. It's funny cuz it's true. Almost too true, really. 

Abbi Goes Tripping: S2, ep. 3

When Abbi gets her wisdom teeth out, the drugs lead her on a grand–and hilarious–adventure. The narcotic-induced euphoria takes Abbi skipping through the streets hand-in-hand with a massive blue stuffed animal named Bingo Bronson, who leads her on an insane Whole Foods shopping excursion. It's a surreal scene, but one that exemplifies how Broad City's humor is always grounded in a real experience—even when it seems a bit crazy. And who hasn't found themselves in a grocery store when they were maybe too whacked out to be shopping?

The Girls Reenact Pretty Woman: S2, ep. 8

If you've ever been to Beacon's Closet in Brooklyn to scour the racks for used clothing, then you know it's one of the most hipster places in town. After a snarky sales girl (played by Orange Is the New Black's Kimiko Glenn) turns Abbi and Ilana away, the ladies triumphantly return—with bags full of sellable wares—and ask "Remember me?" She doesn't, of course, but Abbi gets the last laugh when she tells the sales girl "By the way, I know that shirt's from Forever 21. You're not kidding anybody."

The Revelation of Kirk Steele: S2, ep. 8

In a single click Abbi's obnoxious boss Trey (Paul Downs) goes from uptight fitness expert to porn star. After Ilana discovers (while masturbating, of course) that Trey was once a frosted-tipped porn guru named Kirk Steele, we get to see his signature style, which involves humping a giant inflatable whale across a swimming pool. Not so hot, but incredibly hilarious. Paul W. Downs for the W.

Abbi And Ilana "Smile": S2, ep. 10

When a catcaller on the street instructs the girls to smile they come up with the BEST RESPONSE EVER by pushing the corner of their mouths up with middle fingers raised. It's a small moment, but it embodies everything we love about this show. So now, thanks to Glazer and Jacobson, if a stranger ever says "You girls are so pretty, you should smile," you know just what to do.

Underwear Cleaning Service: S1, ep. 1

In order to get $200 to buy concert tickets to cop Lil Wayne tickets in the show's pilot, the girls decide to clean a Craigslist man's apartment in their underwear. They go through with it—as the guy, played by Fred Armisen, stalks around and watches them—but it turns out that he can't pay because he's "a little baby." Armisen's revelation that he is wearing a diaper is priceless, as is the fact that Abbi cleans while holding her arm self-consciously over her bare stomach.

Abbi Navigates A Party: S1, ep. 5

One of Jacobson's best lines on the entire show is when Abbi pushes her way through a hip party and deadpans "Out of the way, clavicle" to a gaunt partygoer. By the time Abbi arrives at the bar and joins Ilana it becomes clear what sort of party we're at. The bartender offers the girls a West Nile Colada (which is "very popular") or a Sex-Traffic On the Beach. It's one of the things where you've been there, even though you haven't quite been there.

Ilana Unclogs A Toilet: S1, ep. 7

Has your best friend ever helped you deal with a clogged toilet during a hurricane while your crush was in the next room? That's the sort of serious BFF-ness that Abbi and Ilana share. Of course, it's as funny as it is endearing, especially when Ilana announces in a very serious tone "Abbi, I am a doo-doo ninja" and then steels herself to deal with the situation. The solution? It obviously involves Duct Tape and a shower cap.

The Girls Embody Missy Elliott: S1, ep. 10

For the cold open of the first season's finale, Glazer and Jacobson went in hard on some hip hop references. As they celebrate Abbi depositing a check for $8,000, the girls dance along to Drake's "Started From The Bottom" as Jacobson wears the black garbage bag ensemble from Missy Elliott's "The Rain (opens in new tab)" video. To make things even more insane, Glazer dons a Nicki Minaj-esque outfit. It's one of things you have to see to believe–and then see it again and again and again.

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Emily Zemler

Emily Zemler is a freelance writer based in London. She has written for Esquire, ELLE, The Hollywood Reporter, Playboy, Billboard, and Nylon. She has an MFA in Fiction Writing from Sarah Lawrence and is currently working on her first book.