This Week in Timothée Chalamet, December 14 Edition

Timmy speaks in French for Jean Cocteau/may be the product of a fever dream.

Performance, Microphone, Event, Singing, Singer, Talent show, Performing arts, Audio equipment, Adaptation, Music artist,
(Image credit: Getty Images/Morgan McMullen)

Because being a person in the world is hard and you deserve something nice, this is's semiregular column on everything talented young man Timothée Chalamet did that week. You can catch up on last week's here.

Hello, spectacled eiders, and welcome to another edition of This Week in Timothée Chalamet. By the time you read this I will be on vacation, so consider this a transmission from the past, and if it is lacking anything that happened toward the end of the week, forgive me and know that I was thinking of you all the entire time I spent drinking on the beach and not doing work. I mean, I was probably thinking of you. There’s no way to tell because I’m writing this before I leave, but I probably thought of you once or twice. At the very least I definitely thought about Timmy—know that.

Fortunately, there was plenty to cover before I left. I simply love how busy SAG Award Nominee Timmy is going to be in the next year! Mainly because his success is my job security, and also because he is talented and a joy to watch onscreen and I love him like my son-slash-boyfriend, blah blah.

Here’s some stuff from Timmies Past, Timmies Present, and Timmies Yet to Comé:

Timmy narrated a short film about Jean Cocteau!

Our boy just loves to show how half-French and fully-cultural he is. Remember this?

Of course you do, so this Made to Measure (M2M) short film about Franch auteur Jean Cocteau narrated by Timmy will not surprise you at all. But it will delight you, as Timmy reads the filmmaker’s own writings and even says some stuff in French. Swoon.

It’s educational, it’s visionary, it’s Timmy—and it’s probably the best nine minutes you will spend today. Watch below:

He confirmed his participation in a new Wes Anderson movie!

Everyone knows that once you’re in one Wes Anderson movie, you better just keep the mustard-colored tweeds and jaunty caps at the front of your closet because chances are good you’ll be in quite a few. The film in question is called The French Dispatch—oh my god, is Timothée Chalamet French?!—and looks to be pretty celeb-packed (as is Anderson's wont) allegedly also starring Frances McDormand, Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Benicio del Toro (who is moving into his whimsical period, I presume), and Jeffrey Wright.

The film’s plot has been described, per IndieWire, as “a love letter to journalists set at an outpost of an American newspaper in 20th-century Paris.” Holy shit, has Wes Anderson been reading my Blogspot?! Because I am pretty sure I came up with “Wes Anderson should direct a love letter to journalists set at an outpost of an American newspaper in 20th-century Paris” all the way back when I was in high school and Timmy was...possibly not born yet?

But adding Timmy to the mix is just so extremely my shit that between this and Greta Gerwig’s Timmy-starring Little Women adaptation, I’m honestly concerned that I suffered a massive head injury and have been inventing the plots of movies I wish existed to help me recover, like a hornier Welcome to Marwen.

And if that’s true, so be it.

He hopes to spend Christmas with Richard E. Grant!

Timmy has been unusually active on Twitter lately, mostly replying to tweets at him. Some of them are extremely cute, like this word of encouragement he gave to a costumed fan:

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Others explain how he has no plans for his upcoming birthday:

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And another—my favorite—is in praise of Richard E. Grant's performance in the movie Can You Ever Forgive Me?, in which Timmy attempts to make some Christmas plans:

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No one asked me (Tim, please call me [by your name]), but I am going to go ahead and give this my blessing with the stipulation that it be live-streamed and that they reenact at least one (1) scene from Spice World.

We were blessed with a Little Women cast photo

Hi, hello, this is Cady's editor Danielle interrupting your regularly scheduled humor with some very boring and un-funny prose (because I am no Cady and would never presume to be) about the fact that the below glorious photograph featuring a certain chiseled jawline was tweeted by the one-and-only Emma Watson because Cady is on vacation and wrote this post in the past but I am editing it in the present and between then and now a THING INVOLVING TIMMY happened and I feel strongly you all should see it.

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Thank you for indulging me.

A really great tweet got tweeted.

I truly believe that when viewed in a certain light, the Real Housewives franchise is actually an epic, nihilistic meditation on the nature of late capitalism and the uneven demands that the system will always put upon women, and for that it should be routinely winning Pulitzers.

Clearly Twitter user @FeistyFrank feels the same, because they recut the sorrowful last scene of Call Me By Your Name with the appropriate audio:

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I wish this was audio from an Orange County episode instead of Beverly Hills because I have an extremely mediocre “Visions of Gunvalson” joke I wanted to share with you. But alas, Beverly Hills gets all the best nightmare meals.

Beast? How dare you.

And that’s all the news that’s fit to print! Have a great rest of the week that you haven’t had yet but you will have had by the time you read this! I’ll tell vacation you said héllo.

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Cady Drell

Cady Drell is a writer, editor, researcher and pet enthusiast from Brooklyn.