Thor and The Girl I Thought Was Cute

It's really depressing to find out that someone is unavailable, even when there's just a little bit of interest from my end. I've gotten so picky that it's become difficult to find someone that interests me beyond just looking or having occasional conversation.

The other weekend, I was at a friend's apartment having some drinks before we went out. This really cute girl was there. Even though I had met her before it was one of those things: she just seemed really cute this time around. I guess the first time I met her I had my mind on other things. Or maybe this time, beneath her pretty eyes, her cleavage was heaving in my face. In her group of friends was a muscled up guy with long flowing locks, the likes of which I had not seen since Guns N' Roses graced the stages of arenas in the late '80's.

His entire conversation revolved around why he played Division III football instead of Division I football: "the heart and desire were there, but the size wasn't."

Deep. He was a nice guy though, and by the time the night was over, I

had gotten the cute girl's Facebook and that was good enough for me.

However, the day after the party, I was told that the cute girl was

unavailable in a most unceremonious fashion. My friend told me that she

used to date the long-haired meathead, who had—by now—earned the

nickname "Thor" for his gargantuan muscles and flowing locks.

"Well, they aren't together now," my friend stated.


"They are just fucking."


Thor and that gorgeous cleavage heaving girl? Total Romantic Novel Couple:

Never in my life had I been "just fucking" someone—even an ex-gf. I think I attempted it with an ex-gf, but got scoffed at…or I felt guilty, or both.

"Just fucking" represented insurmountable odds. While I'm adventurous and fun-loving, I'm sure that the two of them are way ahead of me in terms of being a bending-like-a-pipe-cleaner-on-top-of-the-kitchen-table-sex oil rubbing-toy using-porno position doing- threesome-inviting couple. I have no hope.

Plus, Thor is a red-haired, hammer wielding god of Thunder from German paganism. How can I measure my sexual performance to a Pagan god who makes thunder?

My friend didn't do much to help my self esteem in this situation:

"You think she's going to want to deal with you after she's had Thor's giant cock satisfying her whenever she wants?"

He was right, I could not compete.

My female friend was much nicer about it:

"At least it's Thor and not some loser. I always told myself, if my boyfriend told me he was leaving me for someone else, she better be hot. If not, I'd think 'OK, so you're not into me anymore—but her? Come on."

This is true: OK, at least you are into someone better than me, and I can admit it.

It's the same principal as if my girlfriend was cheating on me with someone really cool, like Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page, or one of my sports heroes. I wouldn't mind. In fact, I'd feel happy and honored that one of them wanted to sleep with my girlfriend. OK, maybe I'd be a little jealous…of my girlfriend.

So, every time I hear a clap of thunder during a storm, I smile a little. You know what they say, Thor and his cute girlfriend are going at it again!

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