Celebrity news, beauty, fashion advice, and fascinating features, delivered straight to your inbox!
Thank you for signing up to . You will receive a verification email shortly.
There was a problem. Please refresh the page and try again.
I've lived a privileged life. I've never had a gun pulled on me. I've only had a knife pulled on me once ... by a girl.
My buddy and I were busboys at a pretentious café one summer. Our buddy's sister, Sarah, was a waitress. We were totally lame, not allowed to talk to customers — the scourge of the staff. In fact, we were eventually fired because we were deemed "unnecessary." (opens in new tab)
Needless to say, we were jealous of Sarah's high standing on the staff. And, because Sarah was our buddy's sister, we loved giving her a hard time. She was a straight-A student (opens in new tab) (God forbid), and mature (God forbid even more).
One day, before the restaurant opened for business, I struck gold when I noticed Sarah wearing a cardigan over her uniform (opens in new tab). Opportunity! My buddy and I approached... "Um, sorry, Sarah. Management decrees NO cardigans over your uniform while working. That would make this a gross breach of the employee handbook."
It was a brilliant delivery, resembling the tone of one of those '80s-comedy ultra-preppy bad-guy jerks (opens in new tab). Sarah whirled around, brandishing the knife in my face: "Rich. Back off. I'm not in the mood for it today."
Fleeting moments in history spark explosions: the assassination of Franz Ferdinand setting off WWI, British gunfire on Boston citizenry stirring the flames of Revolution...
I'm not sure what caused my buddy to say the stupidest thing ever (opens in new tab). Perhaps it was the word "today," despite the fact that we had been annoying her all summer.
But Mike fired a gunshot of his own: "Whoa ... Rich, we better back off. Looks like it's period day." (opens in new tab)
Then, Sarah stuck the knife in my buddy's face and delivered an icy, seething message: "Mike. Get a life."
Sarah returned to cutting her bread. Mike and I remained on edge the rest of the day, as if we had seen really bad roadkill up close ... totally shaken.
I've tried to forget that story, but I recently read my friend's post in her Shmitten Kitten blog regarding PMS (opens in new tab), stating that
any guy who can handle PMS is a keeper (opens in new tab).
I appreciate her point of view, but it's pretty tough for us. The underlying problem is that we don't get it.
For example, I'm not even sure if "PMS" is the same as "period." And which is worse?
We don't mean to be rude when we suggest that you're PMSing. Humankind universally seeks to explain the unexplainable. In that sense, it's no different than Greek mythology or stories of giant squids devouring ships that disappeared at sea.
We attempt to explain the unexplainable: You were happy yesterday, and today you want to kill me (opens in new tab).
I know there are cramps and mood swings; I know I should never, under any circumstances, suggest you're PMSing ... unless I need an amputation and I can't pay for a doctor (opens in new tab).
In addition to not suggesting she's PMSing, I shouldn't attempt to "understand" her discomfort, anger, or pain. I should try to make it more bearable.
The Shmitten Kitten wants a guy who can face it without being squeamish — this translates to "a mature and thoughtful guy." (opens in new tab)
I'm a bit squeamish, and I have my immature moments (opens in new tab), but I actually enjoy catering to a girl when she's upset.
Here are a few "dealing with it" options I'd try with a PMSing girlfriend:
1. Do not spring into action until she tells me she is PMSing. Otherwise, I'll look like I'm assuming and I'll get a knife pulled on me.
2. Take advantage of my "giving and relieving" skills. I love cooking. Maybe I learn some new recipes and cook, cook, cook until she's feeling better.
3. Kill her with kindness. For my advertising job, presenting to clients, we bend over backwards. We ensure that they feel they are always right. We listen, and we understand (opens in new tab). During PMS, maybe my girlfriend becomes my "client"...actually, maybe she should always be my client, regardless of when PMS hits.
4. Do the dates I've been wriggling out of. Okay, Okay, I'll see that stupid romantic comedy (opens in new tab). I'll see that Jackson Pollock thing at MoMA (even though I could fill a straw with paint and spit it on a canvas for $5 for you).
5. Just leave. take the bomb-shelter mentality. Go away, to a safer place, get the hell out of her way (opens in new tab), and return when things are settled. That might eliminate confrontation (opens in new tab), but it might make her angry.
What do you think of my strategies? What's the best way for your significant other to deal with your PMS? Do you find that most guys are clueless in dealing with it? Is it annoying when a guy tries to help?
Follow me on Twitter:twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)
The Cast of 'The Sandman': Your Guide
Netflix's latest fantasy hit takes place in a world of walking dreams and nightmares.
By Quinci LeGardye
Watch Mindy Kaling Play 'Pop Quiz'
Our August cover star reveals how she made her first dollar, her favorite late-night snack, the last text she sent, and more.
By Brooke Knappenberger
Channel JOWO—the Joy of Working Out—With Propel Fitness Water
Propel's JOWO campaign features free fitness classes, community giveback...and the chance to win workout swag.
The 22 Best Vibrators, According to Sex Toy Experts
The vibes are immaculate.
By Gabrielle Ulubay
The 20 Best Sex Games for Couples in 2022
Who said game nights need to be wholesome?
By Gabrielle Ulubay
The 14 Best Lubes of All Time
Good sex should always go smoothly.
By Gabrielle Ulubay
30 Female-Friendly Porn Websites for Any Mood
All the best websites, right this way.
By Kayleigh Roberts
70 Cheap Date Ideas for Couples on a Budget
"Love don't cost a thing." —J.Lo
By The Editors
Diary of a Non-Monogamist
Rachel Krantz, author of the new book 'Open,' shares the ups and downs of her journey into the world of open relationships.
By Abigail Pesta
71 Fun Date Ideas for 2022
Skip the old "dinner and a movie" for something original.
By Katherine J Igoe
COVID Forced My Polyamorous Marriage to Become Monogamous
For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.
By Melanie LaForce