
I was an easy bride: I fell in love with the first dress I tried on. I married locally, so my friends and family needn't travel far. Hell, I barely flinched when my priest was banished from the church for "inappropriate behavior in the rectory" just days before my wedding. Nothing could ruffle my tulles.
But that was all before I realized that some of my guests had been beaten with the cheap stick. They stuffed their gullets, drank from the open bar, found the nearest Conga line and shook their stingy selves toward the exits. No cards, no cash, no gifts — yeah, no shit.
Look, my husband and I are big believers in the cliché "it's the thought that counts." We didn't expect our guests to fatten our bank accounts. We wanted to throw a kick-ass party, and at best, break even. And we did. For every cheapskate, there was a generous guest who made up the difference. Our cousin Vinny ponied up 1K and a heartfelt message: "I love youze, sonofabitches! Spend it on something good or I'll kill yahz!" (Sweet guy, that Vinny.)
I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that the guests who did us wrong were professional and well to do. They should know better. Unfortunately, when you get stiffed, the etiquette police goes AWOL. (Emily Post, where you at?) The only advice I found online was to forget about it and move on.
I initially cooked up a sneaky way to confront the offenders — I would tell them I received a registry gift with no return address. But it felt like I was calling a guy twice just to "make sure" he hadn't lost my number. Too desperado.
In the end, I did as the advice columnists suggested. I moved on. I've been happily married for a year and a half now, and the no-gift guests are still a part of my life. Life's too short to hold a grudge. But I hope they're reading this. And they better pray they never run into my cousin Vinny....
-
I Wear Exclusively Neutrals—These 14 Items From Banana Republic's MDW Sale Speak To Me
Live your best life in linen.
By Julia Marzovilla
-
Kylie Jenner and I Share The Same Favorite Phone Case Brand
The serotonin-boosting case I can't go a day without.
By Gabrielle Ulubay
-
The 14 Must-Haves Marie Claire Editors Are Buying During Nordstrom's Enormous Sale
Thousands of cult products are discounted during Nordstrom's Half-Yearly Sale—but they're going fast.
By Julia Marzovilla
-
The 22 Best Vibrators, According to Sex Toy Experts
The vibes are immaculate.
By Gabrielle Ulubay
-
The Best Period Sex Tips, According to Sex Experts
Who says messy can't be sexy?
By Gabrielle Ulubay
-
The 20 Best Sex Games for Couples in 2023
Who said game nights need to be wholesome?
By Gabrielle Ulubay
-
The 14 Best Lubes of All Time
Good sex should always go smoothly.
By Gabrielle Ulubay
-
COVID Forced My Polyamorous Marriage to Become Monogamous
For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.
By Melanie LaForce
-
100 Sex Songs That Won't Make You Cringe
Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.
By The Editors
-
75 Real Sex Scenes in Movies
These actors aren't faking anything.
By Mehera Bonner
-
33 Unexpected Valentine's Day 2023 Date Ideas
A.k.a. not dinner and roses.
By The Editors