Glitter, starring vocal goddess Mariah Carey, celebrates its 15th anniversary this month. The 2001 movie masterpiece chronicles the rising stardom of Billie Frank (played by the chanteuse herself) and her struggle to "find her true voice." So what better way to celebrate this cinematic tour de force than to revisit some words from its harshest critics?
1. "All that Glitter is not gold. In fact, Glitter, the pop star Mariah Carey's feature film debut, is mostly dross, an unintentionally hilarious compendium of time-tested cinematic clichés that illustrates the chasm between hopeful imitation and successful duplication." —The New York Times
2. "Ms. Carey has the voice of a dove but sad to say the acting range of a parakeet." —Houston Community Newspapers
3."About as fresh as rancid Chinese food that has been stuck in the back of the refrigerator for several months." —The Film File
4. "It's a butt-numbing exercise in tedium, sporadically redeemed by moments of unintentional hilarity." —TV Guide
5. "Viewed matinee showing of Patient's new film, Glitter, for possible insights into her recent, highly publicized nervous breakdown. After seeing film, conclusion is that Patient's breakdown occurred after viewing film prior to its release. ... Assure Patient, who has paranoid delusions about Jennifer Lopez being molded into the new M______ C_____, to rest easy because Lopez has never made a film as bad as Glitter." —The Austin Chronicle
6. "It can't even scale heights of campy awfulness. This isn't so bad it's good, it's so bad it's actionable. Barbra Streisand, Whitney Houston, Cher, Madonna, Bette Midler, Tina Turner, have all tried, and will doubtless try again, but they'll never make a movie as dreadful as this." —Total Film Magazine
7. "Glitter barely even allows Carey to do much singing. She looks truly comfortable only when Billie is cradling the one character in the movie more passive than she is —her cat." —Entertainment Weekly
8. "Occasionally, I see a chunk of cinematic debris that strikes so many wrong chords that I can't figure out how the project was greenlighted in the first place. This is one of those incidents." —Reel Views
9. "Glitter? More like shitter!!!" –MatchFlick
10. "This film is total escapism without a shred of believability. But it isn't a hit, and that may be because it's not a very good movie." —CNN
11. "Mariah Carey, in all her Glitter-y glory, essentially has the weekend to herself. But even being alone in the box office spotlight won't add luster to her dim bulb of a movie. … The story line — a girl abandoned by her mother goes on to find love and superstardom, but winds up lonely after all — is a tired one. Even the soundtrack doesn't rescue the movie from its tedious banality." —USA Today
12. "We don't have much space to tell you about Glitter, so we'll be blunt. This star vehicle for singer Mariah Carey is primarily a showcase for her breasts." —The Washington Post
13. "But, as we learn, fame has its price. Judging from the look, the writing, the acting, and the direction of Glitter, I think it's about 99 cents — a buck-twenty if you count Carey's groovy-looking '80s spike heels." —Salon
14. "As a singer, Mariah Carey shows incredible range. As an actress, she shows impressively white teeth." —San Francisco Chronicle
15. "What definitely doesn't make any sense is to spend four years working on this movie, originally called All That Glitters. Cliché-choked travesties like this can be slapped together in a few months, and then you can go on to something else — like another rock video." —Chicago Tribune
16. "It's not that the movie is one that cannot be enjoyed. It is simply that many people lack the stupidity to be entertained by such hogwash." —Orlando Sentinel
17. "Having gone through a few different titles on its ignominious path to the big screen, Glitter deserves yet another title: A Star Is Dull." —Variety
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From: Cosmopolitan US
