The holidays are almost here, and fact: There is no better way to treat yourself than with celebrity Christmas songs. And pie. And a yule log. AND PRESENTS. But anyway, we digress: each year at least one celebrity inevitably releases a Christmas jam, and they are always completely amazing—both ironically and un-ironically. On that note, and in the spirit of giving, here's the best of what pop stardom has to offer.
The Killers, "Don't Shoot Me Santa"
If you're feeling like a duck on the foie gras track, here's a tune that's the antithesis of having holly, jolly corniness shoved down your throat. It is about the homicide of that old dude in the red suit, plus the video is delightful.
Mariah Carey, "Oh Santa"
Someone in the YouTube comments described this as a Christmas version of "Hey Ya," which is exactly, guiltily right. This CHOON, too, will invade your body, making it perform obscene involuntary movements as your mouth forms the words "[rude gerund] hell."
Aurora, "Half a World Away"
You might recognize that crystalline voice from a 2015 John Lewis ad that accomplished what all John Lewis ads set out to do: make you leak snot from every bodily orifice that produces snot. Same deal when you listen to this Oasis cover on its own, without any orphan penguins on crutches or whatever those sickos dream up next.
Leona Lewis, "One More Sleep"
We premiered the acoustic version recently, which made us think of the non-acoustic version. Nice to remember what it was like waking up on December 25 to a new bike, versus now, when it's like an iTunes gift card, if you're lucky.
Wham!, "Last Christmas"
This is bubbling up in the meme world, but it doesn't even need that, because 84 percent of the world's population has had this stuck in their heads for three weeks now. The video also has George Michael (RIP), George Michael's hair at its full, feathery height, and a multi-prong love story played out on a ski trip.
Mariah Carey, "All I Want for Christmas Is You"
Also known as the most famous Christmas song of all time, Mariah Carey's '90s hit is a must-listen around the holiday season, whether you like it or not. "I started playing some says songwriter Walter Afanasieff. "It was an easier song to write than some of the other ones."and started my left hand, and that inspired Mariah to come up with the melodic 'I don't want a lot for Christmas,'"
Kanye West, "Christmas in Harlem"
This song was released back in 2010, and incredible lyrics include: "She said, 'Shhh" she got a gift for me that ain't for the kids to see' / Well, I like the way you think, mami / Now pour some more eggnog in you drink, mami."
Sam Smith, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
Apparently, Sam Smith hates Christmas music, yet still gifted us a soothing rendition of this classic. "I hate Christmas songs, it's true," he said. But ["Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"] is the only song I would ever attempt to sing, because of Judy Garland singing it, and Frank Sinatra singing it. To me, it sounds more like a classic jazz standard."
Mary J. Blige, "Christmas in the City"
This song is so good you can listen to it any time of year.
Oh, you didn't know Ginuwine had released a Christmas album? Well now you do.
Hanson Brothers, "Merry Christmas Baby"
Little known fact: the Hanson Brothers recorded music other than "MMMBop." Was it good music? Some say yes (me). Others say LOL, bye.
Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett, "Winter Wonderland"
If your favorite Lady Gaga era isn't the one where she was wandering around singing Christmas songs with Tony Bennett, you aren't living.
Al Green and Annie Lennox, "Put a Little Love in Your Heart"
Okay, so it's not originally a Christmas song—but this particular incarnation appeared on the soundtrack to Scrooged so it totally counts.
Run-D.M.C., "Christmas in Hollis"
Correctly hailed as the best holiday rap song of all time, Run-DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" is better than any present under the tree—as it's the gift that keeps on giving. "When we first did the record, we thought it was just gonna be one and done. Like, 'Oh, yo Run and D did this Christmas record,'" Darryl "D.M.C." McDaniels told Complex. "But then let's say it came out in '86, we were thinking after '88 it'd be over with, but it gets more famous every year."
Kate Bush, "December Will Be Magic Again"
If you like Kate Bush, this song will be an amazing experience for you. If you don't like Kate Bush, you are going to be deeply confused.
Madonna, "Santa Baby"
Eartha Kitt is the person first responsible for bringing "Santa, Baby" into our lives, but it's Madonna who debuted the version that made Santa an unlikely sex symbol and potentially traumatized you while she was at it.
Leighton Meester, "Blue Christmas"
Gossip Girl's very own Leighton Meester collaborated with Dana Williams for this Elvis Presley cover. "It's really a chill energy," Williams says of working with Meester. "I've known her for so long that over a series of time we've talked about what songs would be cool to cover. We usually have one rehearsal where we'll practice it together and try to figure out who will sing what. When it's time to record we play it a few times and do everything live. It's honestly one of the easiest collaborations/musical things that I do because it's so much fun."
TLC, "Sleigh Ride"
All you really need to know about this glorious song is that it has the lyrics, "let's flow on this snow with a sack on my back, 'cause Santa's tryin to mack in his Cadillac."
Carly Rae Jepsen, "Last Christmas"
"Last Christmas" is originally by Wham! and it's definitely worthy of being covered. Jepsen did so perfectly in 2015, saying "I had a hard time picking out my cover for Christmas, because you dig into them and so many of them are done in so many ways. But Wham! felt really fitting after EMOTION came out, just because of the whole '80s pairing; it just felt right."
Beyoncé, "Silent Night"
It's Beyoncé Knowles singing "Silent Night," honestly what more do you want/need out of life?
Zooey Deschanel and Leon Redbone, "Baby It's Cold Outside"
Remember when Zooey Deschanel's character sings in the shower during Elf? This is that but longer, and better, and without Will Ferrell.
Fetty Wap, "Merry Xmas"
Nothing says "happy holidays" like Fetty Wap, right? Right! This song is a classic that deserves to be hailed as a Christmas miracle.
This song is from the Fred Claus soundtrack, a movie that stars Ludacris as a tiny elf. None of us are worthy of it, so please appreciate this experience fully and respectfully.
Destiny's Child, "8 Days of Christmas"
If you prefer your Beyoncé a la Destiny's Child, don't panic—they recorded this blissful Christmas song together and the video features Santa costumes.
Nate Dogg and Snoop Dogg, "Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto"
This song title > all other song titles.