10 Ways They Could Do 'Sex and the City 3' Without Samantha

But they really shouldn't.

Sex and the City 3 Samantha
(Image credit: James Devaney)

1. Set the entire movie somewhere Samantha would never go, even if her friends were there, like Pittsburgh.

2. Whenever anyone brings up Samantha’s name, have at least one character loudly mention that she must be having soooo much fun on that two-year sex cruise she booked, the one that has no wifi or cell service and doesn’t dock until it’s over.

3. Open the movie with a Samantha lookalike meeting a Christian Grey double and let the audience assume she spends the whole movie in the red room tied to a dentist's chair.

4. Make it seem like she went off the deep end and tried to sleep with Harry, Steve, or Big, cutting her off from the fab foursome forever.

5. Plot the whole movie around “the search for Samantha” and when they find her she’s undergone extensive plastic surgery and is now played by Jennifer Lawrence.

6. Include subtle tweaks to reality, like switching the names of the five boroughs and clearly showing two moons in a skyline shot. This will let the audience know that SATC3 takes place in a parallel reality where Carrie never met Samantha in the first place.

7. Make the movie more like It’s A Wonderful Life, where an angel shows Carrie that if she had picked Aidan a series of events would have resulted in Samantha being hit by a train. Carrie being Carrie, she chooses to live in the Aidanverse anyway.

8. Frame Samantha’s role as being just a similar-sounding voice on the other end of a poorly connected prison phone after she gets caught trying to smuggle a vibrator into The Maldives.

9. Heavily imply that Samantha represents both Taylor Swift and Kanye West and frankly doesn’t have time to deal with anyone else’s drama.

10. Maybe they could… introduce some kind of... ugh. You know what? I got nothing. There is no Sex and the City without Samantha Jones, and nobody wants to live in a world where they complete the trilogy without her. SATC3 is dead. Long live Sex and the City (and Samantha).