Amy Schumer surprised everyone by marrying chef Chris Fischer during a private wedding in Malibu on February 13, and apparently their vows were um...something else.
Per Glaser, Amy said: "You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me feel loved, you make me food.'"
Pretty great, but not as great as what comes next: "In my vows I go, 'But I promise I'll keep going down on you, even though everyone tells me I won't,' And his were like, heckling me too. He was like, 'The other day I lost a tennis match and you called me a f*cking loser.' It was all like, awful shit."
To dust off a stale phrase that is truly applicable at the moment: COUPLE GOALS.