Amy Schumer surprised everyone by marrying chef Chris Fischer during a private wedding in Malibu on February 13, and apparently their vows were um...something else.
In a SiriusXM interview with her friend Nikki Glaser, the 36-year-old actress spilled some details about her vows, saying, "Mine sucked! I thought mine were good, I wrote mine in like, 20 minutes. I was crying when I wrote them, but his blew me out of the water so hard."
Per Glaser, Amy said: "You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me feel loved, you make me food.'"
Pretty great, but not as great as what comes next: "In my vows I go, 'But I promise I'll keep going down on you, even though everyone tells me I won't,' And his were like, heckling me too. He was like, 'The other day I lost a tennis match and you called me a f*cking loser.' It was all like, awful shit."
To dust off a stale phrase that is truly applicable at the moment: COUPLE GOALS.
RELATED STORY
Mehera Bonner is a news writer who focuses on celebrities and royals.
-
Why George Clooney Turned Down $35 Million for a Single Day’s Work“My wife and I had this conversation when I turned 60 this summer.”
By Julie Tremaine •
-
Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan Finally Ended Their Feud
“I am genuinely very happy for her.”
By Julie Tremaine •
-
Prince William Has a Dance Party With George, Charlotte, and Louis Every Morning
It's a tradition that connects the prince to his late mother, Princess Diana.
By Julie Tremaine •
-
The 50 Best Celebrity Couple Halloween Costumes Ever
Honestly, we're impressed.
By Charlotte Chilton •
-
Alicia Keys Gets What She Wants
With her jazzy new album, Keys, the singer stopped worrying about everything except what matters: Her own opinion.
By Jessica Herndon •
-
Brooke Shields on Reinventing Yourself, Making Friends in Your 40s, and More
The actress and CEO shared inspiring advice during a panel at 'Marie Claire's' "Power Trip: Off the Grid" conference.
By Rachel Epstein •
-
Alicia Keys on Her Upcoming Album 'Keys,' Life Lessons From Her Mom, and More
The singer opened up during a special panel at 'Marie Claire's' "Power Trip: Off the Grid" conference.
By Rachel Epstein •
-
Lady Louise Windsor Is Turning 18, But She Probably Won’t Take a “Princess” Title
The Queen’s youngest granddaughter will probably take on more royal duties regardless of title.
By Marie Claire Editors •
-
Prince Harry Won’t Wear His Military Uniform to Hand Out Medals to Veterans
His military titles were stripped after he left royal duties, though some have argued his service record should qualify.
By Marie Claire Editors •
-
Prince William and Kate Middleton Are Hiring for a Communications Role
Finally a chance to show off all that knowledge of the Cambridges' social media.
By Marie Claire Editors •
-
Prince William and Kate May to Move to Windsor for the Queen’s Health
Having her great-grandkids there will be “invigorating," says a royal expert.
By Marie Claire Editors •
