13 Signs He's Never Going To Commit

Why haven't you seen him in the daylight? (A) Because he can't commit. (B) Because he's a vampire. (C) Because he is a commitment-phobic vampire.

Angry Sarah Jessica Parker in wedding gown hitting groom with flower bouquet
(Image credit: Marie Claire)

1. He calls all his exes "this girl I was kinda dating" or "kinda hooking up with." If he rarely/never uses the word "ex," that could be a sign that he's had commitment issues for quite a while.

2. He doesn't make plans more than one day in advance. Men call this, "living in the moment." Women call this, "What the hell is wrong with you? I'm too busy for this shit."

3. He doesn't refer to you as a couple in the future.And this isn't just like, "When do I get to meet your mother?" or any obvious future-stuff like that. I just mean things like "Next month it'll probably be warm enough for us to barbeque," or "We should see Step Up 2 The Streets: The Threequel when it comes out this summer."

4. And you are hyper-aware of not mentioning the future around him, so as not to scare him off. On May 1, I have this party, would you like to g—oh, actually, who knows if we'll still be going out next weekend! I sure don't! I'm so chill! I'm not like all those other girls! I'm soOOOOOOO chill that my blood pressure is dangerously low. Can you get me a doctor?

5. He takes forever to answer text messages, and he is most prolific after 10 p.m. When he sends you the drunk "whats up?" normally reserved for booty calls.

6. He never wants to go out of his way. A guy who really wants to be with you will do things like pick a date closer to your house than his, or go to a movie you really want to see.

7. You hardly ever go on proper dates and/or have never seen each other in the daylight.

8. He doesn't have his shit together. If you get the sense that this guy's life is a mess, he probably has a lot higher priorities to deal with than you.

9. He needs you to be "mean mommy." Some guys are so used to a certain dynamic with women — he goes out with his friends to bars and flirt with other girls, and acts innocent when his Buzzkill Girlfriend gets mad — that they expect every girl they date to be this way. This dude still lives in an immature world where men and women are gender archetypes.

10. You've been dating for months and the ante hasn't been upped in terms of how often you see each other or what the actual dates are. For instance: If it's been three months, you should be at a brunch point by now. At five months, you should be seeing each other more than once a week. If it's still "drinks/dinner, once a week, he rolls out at 5 A.M. and has not yet gotten a contact case to leave at your apartment," it's not looking good.

11. He says he can't commit. Pretty obvious.

12. He's George Clooney. Poster boy for male commitment-phobes. (Cameron Diaz is the poster girl for female commitment-phobes.)

13. You get the distinct feeling that he's using you for something. Like your amazing shower with awesome water pressure, or your HBO GO password, or your Apple Store discount.

Photo Credit: New Line Cinema


Anna Breslaw

Writer. Things I appreciate: Ghosts, white wine, men who look like they could protect me from predators, and a great homemade deviled egg. Also, I have a VERY ambivalent obsession with Sex and The City but I'm not like any of them, other than maybe Miranda's cat.