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Why Can't I "Close"?

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Why Can't I "Close"?


Closing is the fine art of finishing what you've started. You meet a girl, you charm her up, you close the deal. Going home and making out, going on a date the next week, or getting a girlfriend out of the conversation are all outcomes of a successful close.


Here are the reasons I can't close:


I'm Not Sure Of My Goal


What do I really want on an average night out anyway? There comes that fateful crossroad every time I'm talking to a girl: do I get her number and try to ask her out on a date, or do I ask her if she wants to hang out at my apartment at the end of the night? Bottom line, without a clear goal in my head, how am I supposed to accomplish anything? Sometimes I feel successful when a girl just says I'm cute. I go out on top at that point, because I'm sure it will all be downhill from there if I try to push it further.


Fear Of Success


You could field a football team with all of the shrinks I've been to. One shrink told me something that blew my mind. He said:


"You don't have a fear of failure; you have a fear of success."


Since then, I've been able to break this down. The main part is the aversion to putting forth my best effort. If I put forth only half effort, I'll always have an excuse for why I didn't succeed. Secondly, what if success isn't everything it's cracked up to be? What else do I have to live for or work for if I achieve success-of course I could sit on a yacht and do nothing all day. That wouldn't be that bad. Finally, I need to keep a balance of success and failure. As soon as too many things start to break right for me, I expect terrible things to happen-like lightning striking me-to balance it out. Why find true love if that is all going to happen...Yikes, I need help.



Failure Is More Entertaining


This would fall under the "I'm just not ready" category. Sometimes it's more fun to let my mouth run with no filter and watch the reaction of everyone around me. A smooth Rich would be a more refined, edited, careful Rich. But sometimes I just don't care. This, hopefully, will change when I meet a girl that is worth it. One time my buddies were talking to a couple of girls at a party, and I walked up and interrupted the conversation with a disgusting comment that would have ended up in a file on the desk of any Human Resource Manager. The girls ran away and my friends looked at me incredulously. In retrospect, I don't know why I did that. Maybe I was just trying to entertain myself. But I didn't get in trouble with those buddies for the same reason that an insane person doesn't get punished by the legal system: there is no logical reason that anyone sane would have done what I did.


I Have No Plan


I have an array of subjects I can talk about with a girl, and I can even fake being smart. But I've never had a no-fail method of finishing things. I have no go-to. The only one that has ever worked well is: "want to go home and cuddle and listen to music" which is something I love doing, but I don't feel right using that on everyone.


I'm Too Picky


I only approach girls that I know I could stand spending a lot of time with and that would make my family smile if I brought her home. One friend of mine who (I'll always admit when a guy is good looking) is universally unattractive has had sex with over 50 women. He told me he just goes to bars and asks girls if they want to "go home and fuck" until one of them accepts. I guess this is a way to close, but I don't think I could ever do that. I rack myself with too much guilt and I don't want anyone to be a part of me that isn't attractive in my eyes. I could never be a womanizer that goes for quantity over quality.


Wrong Girl

Sometimes I spend the whole night talking to a girl knowing she has a boyfriend. I guess that's a tough close for anyone.



What types of "closing styles/strategies" have guys used on you? I know it's tough to advise me when I have no goal-let's say: I'd like to go home and makeout with girls I'm talking to, I don't need sex. So do you have any closing advice for me?



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