How does Justin Bieber like to get naked? On a dock (opens in new tab). On a stage (opens in new tab). On a glacier (opens in new tab). On the deck of a bungalow in Bora Bora because he didn't know (???) there were paparazzi lurking.
In a series of photos that is scandalizing the internet and sending #whatdoyoupeen into the HOF of trending Twitter topics, The New York Daily News has published the handiwork of their long-lens photographers alongside the gripping tale of how J. Bieber, Esq. romanced model Jayde Pierce with a guitar serenade before stripping off.
Now, it is my duty to report the facts and only the facts, so I will say that, even though the NYDN had the courtesy to black-bar his most sensitive bits, others on the internet did not. Upon viewing Bieber unencumbered (great memoir title for him, BTW), these were their reactions.
"He's got a shade of tumescence." -@LoriJulia RE: #whatdoyoupeenOctober 7, 2015
#WhatDoYouPEEN you haven't seen @justinbieber's 🍆🍆🍆 pic.twitter.com/j2svSpmlILOctober 7, 2015
Just saw the Bieb's penis on the Internet. What a time to be alive. #WhatDoYouPeenOctober 7, 2015
Some truthers are speculating Bieber knew about the photo opp because 1) manscaping and 2) working his angles, BUT CAN WE FOCUS ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE? First Lenny (opens in new tab). Now the Biebs. THREES, PEOPLE, THREES. WHICH PEEN WILL STRIKE NEXT?
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Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.
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