Hey, I just wanted to let you know I saw your ex at the UNC-Duke game last night and he's looking good. Like real good. Like fresh to death. I thought you should know. Somehow he looks younger than he did before, but not like he had work done, just like he's living right and feeling fine.
How was he dressed? Oh, nothing special. Just a black Rag & Bone bomber jacket, black pants, black shirt. All-black everything.
Wait a minute...
In the immortal words of Shuri, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!"
President Obama is out here in President Obama merchandise. This is swag squared; a presi-drip-tial lewk. Obama has clearly been spending time on YesWeCanThings dot com, the website where your favorite aunt and uncle get all their first family-themed sweatshirts, buttons, greeting cards, toaster covers, beach towels and car air fresheners.
Honestly, I don't mind this one bit. I love the subtly of it. It's like Obama just strolled into his personal embroiderer's Chicago storefront one afternoon, casually placed a bomber jacket on the counter, and in his trademark subdued style said, "See, uh, what... you can do with this. Uh... go to town." A two-inch white "44" on the sleeve of a black jacket is absolutely the definition of "going to town" for Barack "I Really Tried It With That Tan Suit" Obama.
While I'm sure this is officially licensed Obama merch, I really want to live in a world where Barack and Michelle rolled up on some bootlegger, bought a bomber jacket and some foil-wrapped fake Balenciaga boots just for kicks. In case you didn't get the memo, Mom and Dad are wilding.
Some may say that this is the same as the current president wearing his derided POTUS hat. Those people should be tried for treason. The facts are these: when Trump wears a MAGA POTUS hat I'm going to take a hard pass on it; when Obama wears a 44 jacket I'm going to buy 20. To quote my girl Céline Dion, "And that's the way it is."
That said, when done right I am totally here for an icon rocking swag themed after themselves. I want Michelle Obama to rock that FLOTUS purse that Meryl Streep brings with her everywhere.
I want Malia to release her own line of Rose Garden Rosés.
I want Bo the dog to clone itself like Barbra Streisand's dogs and then tour the country, charging people an exorbitant amount of money to stare at 3 identical dogs who have a personal chef and probably lower cholesterol than you do.
I want all Obama everything. I am going straight to YesWeCanThings dot com and spending my entire paycheck.
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