Why Can't I "Close"?
,Closing is the fine art of finishing what you've started. You meet a girl, you charm her up, you close the deal. Going home and making out, going on a date the next week, or getting a girlfriend out of the conversation are all outcomes of a successful close., , , ,Here are the reasons I can't close:, , , ,I'm Not Sure Of My Goal, , , ,What do I really want on an average night out anyway? There comes that fateful crossroad every time I'm talking to a girl: do I get her number and try to ask her out on a date, or do I ask her if she wants to hang out at my apartment at the end of the night? Bottom line, without a clear goal in my head, how am I supposed to accomplish anything? Sometimes I feel successful when a girl just says I'm cute. I go out on top at that point, because I'm sure it will all be downhill from there if I try to push it further.,
Closing is the fine art of finishing what you've
started. You meet a girl, you charm her
up, you close the deal. Going home and
making out, going on a date the next week, or getting a girlfriend out of the
conversation are all outcomes of a successful close.
Here are the reasons I can't close:
I'm Not Sure Of My Goal
What do I really want on an average night out anyway? There comes that fateful crossroad every time
I'm talking to a girl: do I get her
number and try to ask her out on a date, or do I ask her if she wants to hang
out at my apartment at the end of the night? Bottom line, without a clear goal
in my head, how am I supposed to accomplish anything? Sometimes I feel successful when a girl just
says I'm cute. I go out on top at that
point, because I'm sure it will all be downhill from there if I try to push it
Fear Of Success
You could field a football team with all of the shrinks I've
been to. One shrink told me something
that blew my mind. He said:
"You don't have a fear of failure; you have a fear of
Since then, I've been able to break this down. The main part is the aversion to putting
forth my best effort. If I put forth
only half effort, I'll always have an excuse for why I didn't succeed. Secondly, what if success isn't everything
it's cracked up to be? What else do I
have to live for or work for if I achieve success-of course I could sit on a
yacht and do nothing all day. That wouldn't
be that bad. Finally, I need to keep a
balance of success and failure. As soon
as too many things start to break right for me, I expect terrible things to
happen-like lightning striking me-to balance it out. Why find true love if that is all going to
happen...Yikes, I need help.
Failure Is More Entertaining
This would fall under the "I'm just not ready"
category. Sometimes it's more fun to let
my mouth run with no filter and watch the reaction of everyone around me. A smooth Rich would be a more refined,
edited, careful Rich. But sometimes I
just don't care. This, hopefully, will
change when I meet a girl that is worth it.
One time my buddies were talking to a couple of girls at a party, and I
walked up and interrupted the conversation with a disgusting comment that would
have ended up in a file on the desk of any Human Resource Manager. The girls ran away and my friends looked at
me incredulously. In retrospect, I don't
know why I did that. Maybe I was just
trying to entertain myself. But I didn't
get in trouble with those buddies for the same reason that an insane person
doesn't get punished by the legal system:
there is no logical reason that anyone sane would have done what I did.
I Have No Plan
I have an array of subjects I can talk about with a girl,
and I can even fake being smart. But
I've never had a no-fail method of finishing things. I have no go-to. The only one that has ever worked well is:
"want to go home and cuddle and listen to music" which is something I love
doing, but I don't feel right using that on everyone.
I'm Too Picky
I only approach girls that I know I could stand spending a
lot of time with and that would make my family smile if I brought her
home. One friend of mine who (I'll
always admit when a guy is good looking) is universally unattractive has had
sex with over 50 women. He told me he
just goes to bars and asks girls if they want to "go home and fuck" until one
of them accepts. I guess this is a way
to close, but I don't think I could ever do that. I rack myself with too much guilt and I don't
want anyone to be a part of me that isn't attractive in my eyes. I could never
be a womanizer that goes for quantity over quality.
Sometimes I spend the whole night talking to a girl knowing
she has a boyfriend. I guess that's a
tough close for anyone.
What types of "closing styles/strategies" have guys used on
you? I know it's tough to advise me when
I have no goal-let's say: I'd like to go
home and makeout with girls I'm talking to, I don't need sex. So do you have any closing advice for me?
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