We chatted with Dana Myers, founder of Booty Parlor, about tips and tricks for talking dirty. The beauty expert (and sex goddess) had suggestions for beginners and shy girls alike, and assures us that even she still has to practice occasionally.
Marie Claire: To start off, how would you define dirty talk? The phrase feels so intimidating!
Dana Myers: It does carry a scary feel. People will often clam up and think, 'I can't do that!', but it's really just another way to express yourself in the bedroom. Women can use lingerie or toys or just their voice, and best of all, it'll be totally unique you. Women can be soft and sleek and still a little naughty, or racy and raunchy and way out there, and anywhere in the middle! It's really just another way to heighten foreplay, add adventure, and actually get what you want in bed.
A lot of women are afraid to ask for what they want, and it's important to translate what feels good and what's going to bring you satisfaction into words. Doing that in a fun, sexy, and frisky way is dirty talk! Be confident, and discover a little bit of your inner bad girl.
MC: So, how do you do it?
DM: It's a combination of the words you're saying, how you say it, and the mood you've set. Use your voice the way you're moving your body. Talk softly, look at each other or close your eyes if you feel more comfortable. You don't want to be laughing hysterically while you describe what you're about to do to your lover, but it's okay to be silly and giggle a little if that's how you feel.
You don't need to jump in with anything extreme. Something that can read as innocent as 'I love the way your tongue feels on my skin' obviously means a whole lot more. If that's still too much, just whisper into your lover's ears. The heat of your breath and a few sultry words is incredibly scintillating.
[Editor's note: A study from Cosmo found that 52% of guys like moans and sighs, compared to 32% who dig explicit dirty talk. Good news for shy ladies!]
MC: When's the best time for dirty talk? Before you get into the bedroom or when things are already hot and heavy?
DM: Well, once you're really comfortable with it you'll find yourself using it at dinner, I swear! You'll be out hiking, and you'll say something sexy and give him a slap on the bottom. When you use it as foreplay completely out of the bedroom, it's fun and saucy and gets mental stimulation going on during the day. It's important for women to think about sex outside the bedroom so by the time you get in there, you're warmed up a bit.
For a lot of women, the point of talking dirty is to get more of what they want. Some people are totally satisfied and just incorporating it as a fun thing, which is great, but you can use it to ask for what you need or to make sure he stays put and keeps doing what he's doing.
MC: What's your number one tip for beginners?
DM: The absolute easiest way to get into it is to buy a book of erotica and take turns reading to each other in bed. The really shy woman can literally hide behind the cover. Pass it back and forth and the nervousness breaks down. It becomes this sexy story time for the two of you that might lead to you writing your own and sharing. Having a piece of paper in front of you can be a very comfortable way to step into it.
Rookies should remember that it's about relaxing and not judging yourself. Don't self-critique.
MC: You suggest that women try talking dirty all alone to get used to it. How do you start?
DM: I think a lot of people giggle when I tell them to talk dirty to themselves, but it's okay! Just think back to the sexiest scenario you've ever been involved in, and go over it play-by-play, putting words to it. Narrate it. Or use a dream situation with some hot Hollywood actor; it's a great way to come up with fantasy language. Trying it solo takes the fear factor out of it. You're alone, in your own world, with no one to judge you. You can't mess up! If you try it unpracticed in the bedroom, you're going to be nervous. 'What if I say the wrong thing?', 'What if he laughs?'
MC: Is it necessary to start talking like Pamela Anderson?
DM: No! Just say what you feel. If you love a position or angle, tell him! Say 'I love it when you grab my ass.' If you're not comfortable with that word, try bum or rear. Women can get so hung up with body part names. Some things feel very porn star and not normal to us, and that's okay. Conversely, it's okay if you're in the bedroom and you want to go to that raunchier, naughtier place. When you're practicing alone, you'll figure out what words you're comfortable with, and it's important not to try to be someone you aren't. If you're not a phone sex operator, and you don't want to be, then don't talk like it. If you're forcing yourself, your mind will go, your body will shut off, and everything will be a big downward spiral.
MC: What are some easy words and phrases to start with?
DM: Ask for more. Describe what he's doing. Encourage him with words like harder, faster, or slower. Give instructions along with positive encouragement. Gently guide him. One of the most empowering aspects of dirty talk is describing what you're about to do. You'll feel like you're taking charge and that you're about to treat him to something very pleasurable. You hold the power! You'll end up feeling like a bit of a rockstar in the bedroom.