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What Cancer Taught Me About Girls

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What Cancer Taught Me About Girls

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A few months after I graduated from college, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer.  Upon reflecting on the experience, I realize it may be no coincidence that the time right after my treatment was my most successful time with girls.

 

On the surface, it shouldn’t have been this way.  After chemotherapy, I looked really bad with no hair.  My head was too small, my eyebrows were too big (unfortunately, they didn’t fall out).  I didn’t look too frail, but I was probably pretty pale.

 

It was with this look that I proceeded to make out and connect with three of the most attractive girls I’ve ever been with.

 

One of them drove down from NY to Baltimore, had sex with me and stopped talking to me. 

 

Then, I met a cute blonde at a friend’s party and complained the whole time about the one who had had sex with me and stopped talking to me.  I thought the night was over when I left.  But I got calls from her as I was laying down to sleep, so I borrowed my friend’s car, drove half-asleep back to the house and ended up doing everything with her but sex (because we couldn’t find a condom—funny how suddenly safety dawned on me after falling asleep at the wheel on the way there).  Needless to say my friend was extremely disappointed after I returned without having sex.  But at least his car was in one piece.

 

Finally, this girl I had had a crush on forever drove down from NY and we made out—and then she stopped talking to me.  This girl drove me a bit insane as I hatched this really lame plan to send her homemade black bottoms on her birthday only to be saved by an alert co-worker who I had been confiding in.

 Blackbottoms

So, as usual, nothing turned out well.  But in retrospect, I have formulated theories on how I was so successful at that one point in my life.  It has to do with the sensuality of women.  Guys are very visual.  They judge quickly based on appearance.  Girls have another sense—sort of a sensuality where they can be attracted to a guy because of intangible traits.  My theories on what the girls were tapping into:

 

1.  Having just “beaten” cancer, my body, mind, and spirit were giving off senses of strength and healing.  Strong positive vibes like this can be very attractive.

 

2.  I finally reached that point of not caring.  Having been faced with the idea of dying of cancer, what women said or did didn't matter.  This made me appear more confident—and we all love confidence.

 

3.  Again, facing a life-threatening disease made me more apt to seize the moment and go for it.  I’m not usually aggressive with girls, but perhaps the cancer experience made me realize that every day and chance is precious and I should just go for it.

 

4.  Maybe because I was in my early 20’s, I was the beneficiary of a lot of making out because, quite honestly, that’s what people in their early 20’s do?

 

5.  The sympathy play.  Perhaps these girls felt sorry for me because of what I had gone through and it made them want to be close to me and nurture me.

 

Whatever the case, I no longer have any of that going on.  I’m not going to sit here and say I wish I could go through cancer treatment again so I could experience success with a lot of girls, but I do wish I could get back to reasons 1-3 mentioned above. 

 

Maybe dieting/fitness can get me a little bit of number 1, and 2, and 3 require living a positive and well-rounded life so I don’t get fixated on a girl and so that I can worry more about the big picture.

 

But I’ll have to get out from in front of the TV first.

 

What do you think is the reason I happened to be successful at that time?  Is it a combination of all those reasons, or was it just coincidence? Do you go for guys that display traits in reasons 1-3, or even out of sympathy at first?

 

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