The 20 Funniest Women On Twitter

This guy I'm dating is basically a prince (he lives with his parents)

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) August 20, 2014

Having a cold while being pregnant is like getting a parking ticket while you’re at the dentist.

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) August 7, 2014

"I'm not friends with girls. I just get along better with guys!"

TRANSLATION

"I will absolutely try to have sex with your boyfriend."

— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) August 20, 2014

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet. #ClassicJokeWednesday

— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) August 21, 2014

My weekends are mostly spent being sad the 90s are over

— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) August 17, 2014

A TSA worker just growled at me to "turn your necklace onto your back" and it was confusing/felt like an erotic command

— 💎 Lena Dunham 💎 (@lenadunham) August 21, 2014

Taking your pants all the way off before you pee is the only way to feel man has truly risen above animal.

— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) August 14, 2014

Note to ALL people who design cars: STOP IGNORING WOMEN'S PURSES AND GIVE US A PLACE TO PUT THEM THAT'S NOT OUR PASSENGER'S LAP THX #tgif

— Rashida Jones (@iamrashidajones) June 28, 2014

I like you if every song is about you even the ones that make no sense like losing my religion

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) August 16, 2014

Sometimes I think "I need to think before I speak" and then other times I think "I shouldn't leave the house or interact with people ever."

— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) August 4, 2014

Is there anything so dangerous as a person who says "I am a good person" full stop.

— brit marling (@britmarling) June 22, 2014

They say behind every great man is a great woman... But behind every great woman is Yoda. 🙏

— om (@oliviamunn) July 14, 2014

Can someone develop an app that electrocutes a person who asks to see a photo on your phone then starts scrolling through all of them?

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) August 21, 2014

I will never wear a bikini but weirdly will proudly wear a zero-piece swimsuit.

— Paula Pell (@perlapell) August 20, 2014

I like pretending Hollywood is a real place

— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) August 20, 2014

Walked in to find this in my trailer.

Uhhhhh #DoMyBreffStank? pic.twitter.com/hBLTkjTN5d

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble) August 14, 2014

Bachelorette #therealworldcup

— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) July 15, 2014

What to do when the sound of silence is a very high-pitched ring

— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) August 8, 2014

I hope that women know better than to just send creeps they barely know pictures of their boobs. Some of them are way more into feet.

— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) August 16, 2014

I get sad when I remember my passport and no one claps and cheers

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 19, 2014