1. Stop freaking out that you haven't been to nine countries already if your annual Miami beach trip is just fine with you.
If you want to paint all of Europe red or orange or teal before you're 30, so, so do it. But also, maybe you don't care about Europe yet or you're too broke to swing the trip. So what? Maybe in your 30s you'll have a ton of time and money and interest in sailing around Venice, maybe not. No big.
2. Don't pressure yourself to talk to your parents more often if your parents are not that nice to you.
If your parents make you feel great but you don't make the time for them, call them more. If they make you feel like garbage, let me tell you something: You do not have to speak with them just because society tells you that you should. It's okay.
3. Quit thinking you're spineless just because you can't tell all your frenemies to go to hell in some kind of dramatic movie scene way.
Sometimes it's just easier to write "happy birthday" on their Facebook wall than to tell Sheila she's a real downer, and other times, it's way worth it to tell Sheila to eff off for life.
4. Stop feeling like your life will end if, god forbid, you forgot to wash off your makeup before you went to bed because you were tired and genuinely didn't care.
Listen, you'll remember to do it every single day, or you'll mess up sometimes and go without. That's why facials exist anyway.
5. Be proud of yourself whether you eat a perfectly balanced breakfast at 7 a.m. or eat a granola bar at 1:30 p.m. and pretend that counts as breakfast.
Breakfast is great if you can swing it, but don't beat yourself up because you were too stressed to make granola that didn't taste like a dirt bowl. You'll eat when you can.
6. Accept that maybe you'll never get into meditation and that maybe your best self never removes her phone from her hand because that's how you like your life.
Ideally, life should be a mixture of both but don't let anyone tell you you're less than for preferring one by a mile.
7. Stop searching for a magical form of exercise that you will totally fall in love with and won't feel like torture.
And realize that frantic shopping and running to catch the bus and dancing in your room all totally count as exercise if you're doing enough of it.
8. Accept that you're beautiful whether you don't wear any makeup at all or if you wear all of the makeup all the time.
It's just as respectable to be the girl who never wears any makeup ever and looks like a radiant elf queen from a meadow as it is to be the dolled-up glam chick who always had a killer smoky eye and a perfectly drawn red lip. Be whichever one you want (or rotate and be both! That just so happens to be my jam.)
9. Only have that crazy once-in-a-lifetime fling if you want to, not because you feel like life will be less full if you don't.
We put so much damn pressure on ourselves to have casual, sexy fun that it can sometimes seem like a chore. If you want to have casual sex, please go and have all of it, but if you just can't get with casual sex, you're not missing out on some sort of life-affirming fun time because guess what? It's not fun for you (and believe me, I'm with you on that.)
10. Realize you can still be a professional woman even if you're not walking around in a blazer that makes you feel like a 1980s stand-up comedian.
I hate hearing the importance of a blazer because real talk: Every blazer I've ever purchased has been worn a few times and gone straight to Goodwill. I'm not a blazer girl. That said, some women look great in them, so keep rocking it.
11. Be chill with the fact that having a signature perfume/lipstick/eyeliner might never be a thing for you because you are a goddamn onion with layers.
Also, I realize I just brought onions into what could've been a lovely sentiment. Oh well. I tried, guys. I really did.