11 Things Every Twentysomething Woman Needs to Do Before Turning 30

published 22 August 2015

If you want to paint all of Europe red or orange or teal before you're 30, so, so do it. But also, maybe you don't care about Europe yet or you're too broke to swing the trip. So what? Maybe in your 30s you'll have a ton of time and money and interest in sailing around Venice, maybe not. No big.

If your parents make you feel great but you don't make the time for them, call them more. If they make you feel like garbage, let me tell you something: You do not have to speak with them just because society tells you that you should. It's okay.

Sometimes it's just easier to write "happy birthday" on their Facebook wall than to tell Sheila she's a real downer, and other times, it's way worth it to tell Sheila to eff off for life.

Listen, you'll remember to do it every single day, or you'll mess up sometimes and go without. That's why facials exist anyway.

Breakfast is great if you can swing it, but don't beat yourself up because you were too stressed to make granola that didn't taste like a dirt bowl. You'll eat when you can.

Ideally, life should be a mixture of both but don't let anyone tell you you're less than for preferring one by a mile.

And realize that frantic shopping and running to catch the bus and dancing in your room all totally count as exercise if you're doing enough of it.

It's just as respectable to be the girl who never wears any makeup ever and looks like a radiant elf queen from a meadow as it is to be the dolled-up glam chick who always had a killer smoky eye and a perfectly drawn red lip. Be whichever one you want (or rotate and be both! That just so happens to be my jam.)

We put so much damn pressure on ourselves to have casual, sexy fun that it can sometimes seem like a chore. If you want to have casual sex, please go and have all of it, but if you just can't get with casual sex, you're not missing out on some sort of life-affirming fun time because guess what? It's not fun for you (and believe me, I'm with you on that.)

I hate hearing the importance of a blazer because real talk: Every blazer I've ever purchased has been worn a few times and gone straight to Goodwill. I'm not a blazer girl. That said, some women look great in them, so keep rocking it.

Also, I realize I just brought onions into what could've been a lovely sentiment. Oh well. I tried, guys. I really did.

Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and musician based in New York City. Her first book, How To Be Alone: If You Want To And Even If You Don’t became a #1 bestseller and was praised as one of the best books of the year by The New York Times, New York Magazine, NPR, Good Morning America, Fast Company, Marie Claire, and many others. Moore also gave a TEDx Talk based on the book, called How To Be Alone. Her comedy show “Tinder Live!” is regarded as one of the best comedy shows in New York City and has been praised by The New York Times, Entertainment Tonight, CBS, Time Out New York, and New York Magazine. She has a monthly sold-out residency in NYC, and also tours rock venues and colleges worldwide. As an actor, Moore plays Kelsey on HBO’s Search Party, and has a recurring role on Rooster Teeth’s What Do You Know? and had a memorable role on season 5 of HBO’s Girls. She also frequently appears on Comedy Central, VH1, MTV, truTV, and IFC shows. As a musician, Moore is the front person and songwriter in the band “It Was Romance.” In her time as the the Sex and Relationships Editor at Cosmopolitan, she won a GLAAD award for her groundbreaking work championing diverse, inclusive coverage. Moore also hosts the live streaming comedy show How To Be Alone on Twitch, which she calls “PeeWee’s Playhouse for lonely adults.”